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Tuesday 29th March 2022
The day I caught covid in China! Living in China and contracting covid is never the best outcome as you know the reaction is always going to be above what is necessary for people in this situation even with mild symptoms. I was sat in my year 6 team meeting and had to dash to collect my self-covid tests. I was in a rush as I had to get back and teach maths so I just got on and taught my lesson. I then quickly did the self-test, threw it on the side and continued preparing for my next lesson. I then picked up the test to take a glance and there it was…those two red lines that you don’t want to see! I panicked, called my team leader/friend and got my thoughts together. The first thing I did was take a shower as I was unsure of my fate. After a few text messages, figuring out what to do, I decided to do the second test which again confirmed that positive result. I tried to contact someone from my neighborhood but I wasn’t having much joy so my Chinese Co-teacher called around and contacted the relevant people. A little while later, I had a call from the Government who said that I should stay inside and wait for someone to do a PCR test.
The Hazmats came and knocked on my door to which I opened with the shock of a taped X across my door. The shock of seeing that made me think less about the test which went straight in to the mouth and nostril. After this was a waiting game, so I decided to pack. It was getting late so I went to bed. I must have just dropped asleep when I received the call at 22.55 from the Government. ‘Your case is active,’ said the guy on the phone and that I had to pack a bag as someone would collect me in the morning. I had been half asleep trying to stumble around for my passport and give him my details. I started making sure everything was ready to go if I had an early morning call to leave. At 23.15 I had another call from the Neighborhood committee. He said that there would be sensors fitted on my door and I might be able to stay at home rather than leave. There was then some interesting Chinese herbal medicine left at my door that I was advised to drink morning and night. After making sure I was prepared and trying to take everything in I finally fell asleep.
Double Positive! 
Take twice a day. 
Let the packing begin… 
Contaminated human!
Wednesday 30th March 2022
As I hadn’t heard anything I decided to start my teaching day as normal with a supply teacher on standby. I had a call from the Neighbourhood Committee saying a bed was available at a hospital and did I want it? I said no because I wasn’t sick or wanted to be around sick people. He said ‘ok’ and that I should be able to stay home with the sensors on the doors. I was in the middle of a Maths lesson when he called again. I came off the lesson to answer as the cover teacher was also online and I was asked to pack my bags as I was going to a hotel and to stop my work immediately! I had my Co-Teacher leave the break out room to control the online lesson. I then frantically made sure everything was ready, threw away any unwanted food and cleaned around so my apartment was ready to leave. Time went on and I still heard nothing. I had just thrown out food so I was now unsure what to do as I had very little food. My Co-Teacher helped me to arrange an order to come to my door. I ordered enough for 2 meals just in case. My Co-Teacher’s kindness actually reduced me to tears because she has done everything to help and support me in this situation. She really is a kind and caring friend. I decided to clear all the items that mean something to me from around my house and put them into a suitcase. I was worried that they might come round and disinfect everything around my home. I don’t know if this would happen but I didn’t want to take any chances.
The only symptoms I have had is a slight cough and cold. I did feel like I had vertigo a little this evening and felt a bit dizzy but I am not sure if this is covid or stress of the situation. I also lost my sense of smell when I went to smell Olbas oil on an handkerchief. I thought I hadn’t actually put it on but when I re-applied I still couldn’t smell it. The day went on and still nothing. There was a message/video in the building chat saying that the whole building had gone into lockdown and the residents were showing frustration and worry in the group because of ‘the case.’ As it got late, I messaged the Neighbourhood Committee and said, ‘should I sleep now?’ I was told, ‘yes sleep’ so I went to bed to see what tomorrow would bring.
Video of the building in lockdown https://vimeo.com/695945952
Thursday 31st March 2022
Thursday 31st March
Being taken from my home for having covid!
Today I decided to withdraw from teaching any lessons as it wasn’t fair on the students with so much uncertainty. Glad I did! I put my rubbish outside my door at 8am which I had checked if it was ok to do so. I still had an Epermarket shop coming today which the Neighbourhood Commitee had said to cancel but I was reluctant to do this with the uncertainty so far and the food shortage in Shanghai due to the pandemic so I kept the order open. I had a call from a lady from the Government requiring information about my contacts since Sunday. She put me in a group with some other investigators who also kept asking for details and evidence. They wanted names of who I had been with and evidence such as WeChat/Alipay receipts. Having to provide names of my friends I had lunch with on Sunday made me really upset as it felt like I was putting them into who knows what kind of situation. Then I had a stern message from one of the Neighbourhood Committee asking me to take my rubbish inside as it shouldn’t be there. I could hear shouting in the corridor and all this made me very anxious. My team leader/friend called me and he just caught me at an emotional time and I cried down the phone. The combination of having to give my friends names and hearing the residents frustration in the corridors/WeChat made me feel very upset.
It got to lunch time and I started cooking pasta. At 1.15pm, just as I was about to dish out my food, I had a call from the Neighbourhood Committee saying to be ready in 20 minutes as they had a hotel for me. I put the pasta into containers and packed the last few things that needed to go into my case. I managed to cancel the Epermarket shop luckily before it arrived. I then got the call that it was time for me to leave. I crawled under the X on my door with my suitcase where there was a Hazmat guy waiting for me. He guided me to the lift and he went in the other lift. I then got to the bottom of the building which was taped off. I had to shuffle under the tape on my bottom down the concrete stairs with my suitcase. The Neighbourhood Committee guy was also here to greet me before I left. Hood up, sunglasses and mask on! Then there was the walk down my lane with the Hazmat walking behind. I had called HR in case I needed any translation and I sobbed the whole walk on the phone to her. I just needed that friendly voice on the phone as I was struggling to keep it together. The Hazmat guy would tell people to move to the side and people were stepping away from me and staring. I felt completely humiliated and upset by this situation. This is my community and the place I am trying to fit in to and embrace the culture. I now feel anxious about how the community will feel about me when I return.
The journey to the ‘hotel’
When I got to the end of the lane there was an ambulance waiting. There were 2 other people already in there. Still in tears I pulled my suitcase onto the ambulance and took my seat. We picked up two more people including an Italian guy along the way. We then arrived at a bus where there were many people already waiting. I struggled to pull my suitcase up the stairs of the bus and onto a seat. More people continued to get on the bus before a Hazmat took the register. We travelled through the streets of Puxi before it was evident, we were traveling to the Dong! People were throwing up around me into bags, leaving their sick bags on the isle of the bus, it was like living in a nightmare! I messaged the Neighbourhood Committee to be reassured that we were going to a hotel and he replied. ‘YES, they will send you to a hotel.’ I looked out of the window and we were traveling further and further out. I kept checking my maps and we appeared to be traveling towards Chongming island. As we got to Chongxing Island we got off the main road to Chongxing so I know this is where we would be staying. It seemed very strange that we were being sent so far away. We arrived at a place that looked quite industrial and although it seemed like a weird place for a hotel I thought maybe they were some kind of workers accommodation. We waited on the bus for quite a while, people were still being sick around me. Other buses started going through the gate until eventually it was our turn. I struggled getting my case off the bus but managed. We walked over piles of dirt to get to a door of the building and walked through showing our ID’s. They gave us a piece of paper with our room number and a bag of masks and a thermometer. Then we followed an Hazmat….OMFG my worst nightmare had just come true!!!
Covid Prison!
We were not at any kind of hotel but in Changxing Dao Fang Cang Hospital!!! All I could see was rows and rows of beds in partitions. The Neighbourhood Committee had been completely lied to about where they would take me!! They guided me to my ‘room’ where 3 other ladies were already on their beds and I was in a bed at the end of a room of 4. I called my Co Teacher/friend to put her on loudspeaker to try to figure out what was going on. They pretty much said they would pass this on but I knew then this is where I would have to stay! I sat on my bed feeling shocked. HR and my Co Teacher were trying to communicate and figure something out. The Neighbourhood Committee guy felt really bad about the situation and felt like he couldn’t face me in the community after this. I messaged him to reassure him that I understood it was not his fault and that he had done his best to help me.
I had a flask at the side of my bed to collect hot water and some basic essentials. I cleaned the bedside table and area with wipes as it was extremely dusty. I went to fill up my flask and started locating things I urgently needed. I didn’t have a pillow so I went and asked the Hazmats for a pillow. I went to find the toilets which were outside….Oh my word…portaloo squatty’s!!! I checked every door but not a western toilet in sight. It was also raining so the toilets were wet and dirty. The area where you are meant to wash yourself or dishes was dirty. There are NO showers at this covid prison camp!
The room was located right in front of the office window so there was zero privacy to get changed. This is the same for the first 3 cubicles when you enter the room and there are always Hazmats in the office that can look directly in. No rooms are fully private and there are cameras but being right in front of the office you feel more exposed. Food was served which was OK and edible. I poured a secret fruity beer that I had in my backpack and spoke to friends who were being supportive. The hardest thing was calling my mum which was hard having to show her the place I have been taken to. No parent wants to see their daughter in this situation. The Italian guy who travelled in the same ambulance has been pretty angry about being brought here. I did raise awareness about the lack of privacy for the first 3 booths though and how this is not ok as a woman to feel so exposed. I just stayed in my clothes and added more layers and got into bed. It is absolutely freezing in this place!
3am
Lights are still on and it is very bright in here. People keep coming in and shouting because they are very angry about being here. I got up and went for a walk outside as I couldn’t sleep and sent a few messages back home. I then laid in bed awake for a while before eventually drifting back off to sleep.
Friday 1st April 2022
April Fools…..nope this is my actual reality!
Woke up fairly early around 7am. I looked at my Alipay and for the first time it had turned red. It’s official.. I am now a threat to society! This morning we got to line up for an extra blanket which will be well needed as it is freezing in this place! I wish I had a hot water bottle with me. I managed to get changed in the porta loos this morning as the rain had stopped so they were less swampy and I washed the best I could in the dirty basin area. I also manage to face my fear of actually using the squatty! It took a lot of deep breathing and giving myself a talking to. Breakfast arrived around 8.30am and wasn’t too bad. I managed to speak briefly to a doctor on the phone through the glass screen and I was trying to get some answers but all I got was, ‘we wait for the government.’ I calmly told him my opinions on this situation as well as the fact I was lied to about where I was going. He reckons this madness does make sense, so I just told him that we would agree to disagree because I did not agree with these conditions or the situation.
I went into the covid prison courtyard and went for a run up and down the toilet cubicle area. There were people standing around chatting, people walking up and down and a man dancing. Then a man started pointing at me and ranting because I had no mask on whilst running. He went and told a Hazmat who then stood in front of me with his hand out to stop! He told me to put my mask on. I continued running for about a mile but running with a mask is hard. Like seriously though… we all have covid and are trying to make the best of a situation!!! What the hell are masks protecting us from now??? Other than the dust from this filthy place!!! I continued the rest of my workout for my April challenge that I am doing alongside someone for motivation through this. I then had lunch which again was ok. I continued chatting with friends. News travels fast and I had a nice call from an ex colleague in Australia which cheered me up. The messages and calls I am receiving sure are helping keep me going through this tough time. Everyone is being super supportive and kind.
I still have a bit of a cough which seems to be worse on a night when I am freezing cold. My room Aunties took me to the counter to help order me some medicine as I am being told no information at all. I decided to arrange a Chinese lesson for tomorrow with my Chinese Teacher to help me with some useful phrases whilst I am in here. I was so tired and it is so cold that I just cocooned myself up in bed in the afternoon and fell asleep. I woke up a bit later and had dinner. I called and messaged people which is how I am spending a lot of my spare time atm. Not only is it keeping me connected but also others have now tested positive and could be joining this impending doom!!! After this I eventually went to sleep sometime after midnight. Again, I woke up in the night because lights were fully on the whole night and the Hazmats were making a lot of noise whilst doing whatever they were doing. The conditions here are terrible for people who are meant to be recovering from covid. Some here are elderly/disabled and have mild symptoms that can get worse from these extremely poor conditions.
Saturday 2nd April 2022
It’s 6.15am and the Hazmats are saying who knows what across the microphone waking people up. My room Aunties told me that I had to do a temperature check. I don’t know why they felt the need to wake people up at that time! It’s not like people have anything to get up for! This put me in a lousy mood being woken up after no sleep as well as a few other factors.
Breakfast came much earlier today and was pretty basic. I’ve been chatting to friends who are also sharing the ‘positive’ vibes and hoping they don’t have to go through this same nightmare but trying to offer support if they do. I was feeling a little down first thing and had my first cry in here (surprised I’ve lasted this long) and then my Nanna’s funeral song – Smile by Nat King Cole came on my shuffle. It felt like my Nanna was watching over me for a second and trying to make things better.
I did my morning sink wash and porta loo change. I had a quarantine focused Chinese lesson with my Chinese Teacher to try and learn some key phrases I might need in here. I enjoyed the lesson and it was a good distraction from what is going on. She has been really kind and called the Shanghai hotline today to find out what it will take to get me released. She said hopefully 2 negative tests within 24 hours but who knows when we will even next have a test. I noticed today that the door for the quarantine hotel opposite was now open and they too were now sharing our toilet area which is going to make the conditions of the toilets even worse. I still haven’t seen any more westerners amongst the new arrivals I have seen. Lunch was terrible today and I threw it straight in the bin! The Italian went to the window asking when he could see a doctor as he had been asking for medicine for two days. They could not give him a straight answer so he got angry and punched the window. People are actually losing their mind in here.
I caught up with a few more friends online and then went out for some exercises. I did a 1.5 mile run in the prison courtyard and my daily challenge and stretches. I feel like the first couple of days have taken some settling into (not that settling here is a thing) but I need to have some mental breaks. I have decided to delete my social media for a while and take time away to avoid any further negativity. Again I have appreciated the many calls and messages from friends who have been looking out for me but need to balance my screen time. My three room aunties have been mothering me a bit and looking out for me and helping me to understand what is going on. Being in a room with these nice ladies helps as they have been very warm and welcoming towards me. The food again in the evening was awful! For some reason they brought me two trays and the meals were different to other peoples. I am not sure if this was supposed to be the ‘western’ option or something but it was awful! I shared some with one of my room Aunties and binned the rest. Luckily I had a couple of tins of tuna so I cracked one open and ate it out of the can! I spoke to a few more friends including one in Oz. I haven’t actually watched much TV yet but tomorrow that is on my list of to do’s! To watch some trashy TV and unwind my mind. Hoping tonight I can sleep more hours!
1.30am
I have been woken up AGAIN to people shouting at the office window. It is freezing cold! I went into my suitcase to put more clothes on because I was cold to the bone. I walked around the building in circles to try and warm up before getting back into bed. This is inhumane and goes against peoples human rights! People’s basic needs are NOT being met in here. In these buildings there are elderly, disabled and children. NOBODY should be in these conditions. I asked if my cough medicine had arrived and they said no. Not even basic cough medicine! I do feel like the dust in this place is making my chest worse. Today I had been showing them my phone asking if we can get fruit to keep my immune system up! Not even fruit! I am really struggling to understand this situation. It is basically prison and I feel like I am in my own episode of ‘banged up abroad!’ but with nicer people. I was awake until 4am because I was that cold! I tried to add more layers but just couldn’t feel warm. I wrote an email to my school leaders to update them on the current situation in Changxing covid prison! I watched an elderly man hobbling his way from the portaloos on his crutches at 4am this morning. Like seriously this is no joke!
Sunday 3rd April 2022
After falling asleep around 4am I was back awake around 5.30am. These conditions are just blowing my mind! I managed to contact the doctor finally and they gave me some medication and brought me an extra quilt. Not being able to shower here really is a problem. It is impossible for people to warm up after a cold night as well as keep good hygiene. The herbal medicine helped soothe my chest a little and started taking the western medicine. I have struggled today and mostly spent it resting or sleeping in the afternoon. I managed to eat a little more of the food today than yesterday, but I am not eating much here. They continued to try and bring me an alternative meal today which was far worse than the meals everyone else was getting as it didn’t even have rice in. I said I want the rice option because even if everything else is bad I can at least eat the rice. I have been trying to encourage school to priorities those who could potentially be taken away to one of these sites. As well as email the Embassy about these awful conditions. As much needs to be done for people to stay in the comfort of their homes. I didn’t run today with my chest being bad but I did do my daily fitness challenge and some stretches to try and move a little. My room aunties continue to try to help me and I was nearly fighting with them after dinner because they were trying to stop me from taking the rubbish as they wanted to do it for me. I want to help them in here too! People are sobbing and pleading for medication in here and for information of when they will get a test. I also hear people vomiting from time to time and there are clearly people getting sick from the diarrhoea in some of the porta loos.
I have found it hard to respond and keep up with messages today with not feeling great but I always appreciate everyone’s thoughts. I called my mum and sister which made me very emotional because they shouldn’t have to see me in here like this. I really hope I can get home this summer. The rest of the evening I tried to switch off with some trashy TV. I really hope tonight won’t be so cold and I get a better sleep. Another day done and still no news of testing…
Monday 4th April 2022
I actually managed to get 5.23 hours sleep last night! In covid prison terms that’s a decent sleep! So, I felt a bit better waking up than yesterday and less cold in the night with the extra quilt. My chest still isn’t 100% so I will skip the run again today. I asked for cough medicine again but they don’t have any. Even the staff are feeling bad and send messages like, ‘we feel sorry’ as they don’t have the resources to help people how they would want. There are constantly people kicking off because they can’t get access to medication or information they want. I asked if we would get a covid test today and they said, ‘yes!’ Who would have thought that being told you’re having a test could lift your spirits! After breakfast I had a Chinese lesson which was quite funny. I never thought I would be learning phrases like ‘I am in Changxing Prison’ or I am very stinky.’ We had a laugh in the lesson as well as trying to continue to learn phrases to help me in this situation. It’s probably one of the most useful things I can do to occupy my time.
Before covid hit we were meant to go on a school camp to Changxing later this month which is ironic that I still ended up there in the same month. Just a very different kind of camp! I actually don’t know how I would feel about even setting foot back on this Island!
I have spent some time outdoors today as the weather was nice. Some of the locals were playing music, dancing and singing and trying to keep their spirits up. A friendly girl came to speak to me today to see if I was ok. She had lived in London and Canada and spoke very good English. Some of the locals wanted to speak to me with the help of her translating. One lady was saying how she was taken with her family and had to leave her poor dog behind on its own which is so sad. This has been happening a lot unfortunately with no regard for animal welfare. Some of my friends have sent their pets to shelters to ensure their pets are going to be looked after if the worst happens. We exchanged WeChats so we can hang out at the toilets again and help each other with anything.
I did my daily exercise and stretches and then was chatting to friends. It is looking bleak today for some of my friends who are positive. They just want to take everyone away and lock them up in these places no matter how well they might be. If people don’t co-operate then there is even threat to take their visas away. I was told today that they have shipped in workers from Beijing to keep up this extreme way of ‘controlling the virus.’ I feel very upset that this is happing not only to my friends but to every single person that will end up in these places. I went outside again for a little while and a guy approached me to ask if I was ok and we were chatting for a while. He said it’s ironic he arrived on April Fools day! I was telling him how I miss fruit and he offered me a carrot if I wanted one. I declined as I wont take people’s food but that is a very kind thing to offer. People are genuinely looking out for each other in here and trying to support each other in these awful conditions. I felt like the mood in the camp has generally been a bit more upbeat today. Maybe because of the expectation that a covid test would happen. There have been locals singing together after dinner at the end of the building and my room Aunties were doing some Tai Chi. I gave my room aunties a face mask today to try and help them relax and show them that I appreciate them. I have just checked and guess what…testing will be done in the morning! That will be a whole week since I was last tested!
Tuesday 5th April 2022
I had another fairly decent sleep last night. I was awake a few times in the night but the extra quilt has certainly made my sleeping conditions better. I woke up to the usual sound of spitting. Breakfast has been the same everyday with two steam buns, an egg and milk. I actually wish I could just eat breakfast for three meals a day right now. The microphone went off to tell us about the test. I actually think when I leave here if I ever hear feedback from a microphone/speaker it is going to be a trauma trigger for PTSD! It is already happening and I haven’t even left this dump! It is mentally draining here! We finally got the test this morning! Now to hope for a negative result. Apparently, it is two negative tests to get out of here but there is a blogger that was in the Expo Centre that said it took them three days to get out after the negative test due to lack of transport to move them on. I went to wash in the sinks. I haven’t showered now since Thursday morning. i just want to feel clean and look well! I have a small pack of wipes for hygiene purposes which I have been cutting in half to ration them to try to stay clean. When I came back from my wash my room Aunties were telling me to put more clothes on to stay warm as I only had a vest on because I’d been washing. I love how they are looking out for me. It is so sweet.
Lunch was terrible today and only managed five mouthfuls of rice. I asked for a carton of milk (which they brought me) with not eating much as I am worried about not getting enough nutrients. We were given some warm herbal medicine, a bit like what I was given at home that first night I was tested positive. The doctor said that it is anti-virus medication. It wasn’t the best taste but I drank it anyway. So I guess that’s it…I must be negative after drinking the anti-virus miracle cure!
The conditions in this place are getting worse. The toilets were the worst I have seen them today and desperately needed cleaning . Tissue was piled up in the bins and all over the floors both inside and out of the cubicles. I didn’t spend much time outside today as the smell and hygiene conditions were just too bad. Sinks have broken taps and are getting blocked up. The piles of rubbish are out of control and no idea when they are going to take it all. These conditions are extremely bad for peoples health. Some floors now have group WeChats and they have organised things like meditation sessions. These groups are meant for helping each other however it is also bringing out the worst and people are trying to sell items at double the price. Things like cigarettes, medication, noodles and fruit. When I was outside talking to a friend I was just watching the hazmat’s. One was sweeping up a bit of dust in a patch and another with a hosepipe on a patch of dust for what reason I do not understand. Eventually they moved onto cleaning the toilets which is a big must right now as people will keep getting sick in here. It makes me sad every time I see a child out there, I just can’t understand why they need to be here! Yesterday people seemed more upbeat but it feels like moral has dropped a little again today and I could see more sadness in people’s eyes as I walked past them. Some of the locals I met yesterday greeted me and when they saw the girl I had met yesterday they pointed to me to let her know where I was to say ‘hi.’ There are times in here when you see the kindness of others and people pulling together that it gives you some comfort when in this awful place. I haven’t heard the Italian guy around here for a while so I wonder if he has been taken somewhere else for medical treatment with pleading to see a doctor.
I called the Embassy in London again around 4pm as I hadn’t heard anything from the Embassy in Shanghai. When she looked into why I hadn’t been called it was because it was a holiday but they would call tomorrow. This made me become very firm with the lady on the phone. I said I don’t expect you to get me out of here but I said they need to be working with Embassy’s across the world to stop this happening as it is very serious! I described the grim and inhumane conditions in full detail and said that they have to stop this happening to others! I was literally begging down the phone because I an so desperate for them to do whatever they can in their powers.
Whilst doing my daily challenge the Hazmats came to the window and started giving me thumbs up for encouragement. One of the ladies came with a piece of paper (written in English) saying they want to do some gym class over the next few days. It also said would I be interested in joining and would I mind if they took some photos to inspire and motivate others to join in. The workers here are overstretched, unable to help people as they wish and are really kind.
The evening meal again wasn’t great. I am eating so little in here and worried that I won’t be able to keep my strength and immune system up. It is very bad that you can’t even get basic fruit. I don’t even know how they can even call these sites hospitals. More herbal medication must have arrived here as some more small packets of medication were handed out. This is night 6 and this is the first time this kind of thing has happened where they hand out medication to everyone. There will be far worse going around here soon in these conditions that covid!
I hope tonight will be another half decent sleep! I went to bed pretty late today as I was trying to finish the blog ready to publish and the page crashed and wouldn’t save so I had to redo some editing and uploading pictures again. It is my first time writing a blog so it has taken me time to figure out how to create a website and publish a blog. That’s a new skill to take away from here anyway! I have nearly used my free weekly usage for uploading videos to Vimeo so no more video uploading now until the 11th April. It was a lot to explain my situation in messages so I thought writing a blog would be the easiest way to keep connected with friends and family to keep them updated. I also wanted to use it to support others who might find themselves in a similar situation.
Wednesday 6th April 2022
We were woken up at 4am today! I don’t know why they have to shout so loud whilst doing whatever work they are doing. I tried to check the cloud for my test results but what a surprise…it’s crashed! It took me a little time to motivate myself this morning and took my time getting ready. When I looked outside the pile of rubbish was ever growing and it smells pretty bed. I messaged a doctor to ask when the rubbish would be taken away, but I just got an ‘ok’ message back so I don’t think they even know! It is such a nice day outside today too but the smell was putting me off even wanting to be out there. They were handing out bowls today for washing. I tried to get 4 for me and my room Aunties but they would only give me 2. I said they could just share with me but they managed to get more bowls in later. With my new bowl I washed a little bit of laundry like socks and underwear using shampoo. I hung out the washing on the end of my bed. I finally published my blog and sent it to friends that had requested to read it. I managed to speak to the British Embassy in Shanghai today to explain what had happened to me. The lady seemed to take my concerns very seriously and was going to discuss my situation further with colleagues. I don’t expect anything to be done for my situation now but I really hope it can to stop others being taken to these places. Especially those with families!
I had lunch which was probably the best meal I have had so far in terms of quarantine edible. I felt like I had eaten slightly more than usual which was needed after the lack of sleep last night. I decided to take a walk out into the sun to call a friend despite the smell and just go to the far end away from the rubbish. I get the usual stares as many of the locals are curious about me with being the only foreigner in here. After the call I could hear shouting on a loud speaker. I initially thought there was a protest or something going on but when I arrived at the area one of the Hazmats was getting everyone together for a Ba Duan Jin 八段锦 session. As I was there I though sod it! I have nothing else to do right now so I might as well join in. One of the Hazmats was correcting my form but I think I was getting the hang of it by the end. It is such a surreal experience in here. I then completed my usual daily work out. It’s a shame I can’t run anymore even now my chest is slightly better but the conditions out there are not the best for running right now with the rubbish smell and dust.
What is Ba Duan Jin (八段锦)?
So I have learnt something new! I thought that this exercise that many were doing in here was Tai Chi but it is actually Ba Duan Jin 八段锦. So I have leant something new about Chinese culture! Ba Duan Jin is a form of movement used to stimulate the various meridian inside the body.This has been cherished by the ancient Chinese and it is almost as popular as Tai Chi in China. Especially amongst the older generation. There is a total of 8 movements. Each movement is meant to be benefitial and together they stimulate the 12 meridian inside the body. Through deep and slow breathing method, it will allows the muscles to relax and calm the mind. The brain will get a chance to rest and more oxygen and nutrients will reach the individual cells.
Movement: Bends the body to massage the back muscles and stretch the legs. Benefits: Stretches and tones the entire spinal column. Promotes the circulation of freshly oxygenated blood to the brain. Balances energy flow between the front and back and the upper and lower parts of the body.
I messaged my family letting them know that I had published a blog but that I didn’t expect them to read it as I didn’t want them to feel upset. My mum and sister did read it. My mum said how well she thought I had done with it and how much of a strong woman I was. She asked me to thank my room Aunties for her as it meant a lot that they have been looking out for me in here. It makes me feel extremely sad that my family have to hear what I am going through.
I had a chat with one of my quarantine friends for a while in the courtyard. He was saying some people here think we could be in here for 2 weeks! I really hope not! We still haven’t got our results which makes us a bit anxious about whether we are negative or not. I went inside and did some stretches whist waiting for dinner. The evening meal wasn’t great and I pretty much just mixed the tomato and egg in with the rice to eat a little and left the rest. I really hope the test results come soon! We have just had news that we will do another test tomorrow and to get our codes ready so I am hoping for that first negative test today! I was messaging one of my friends in the other block and he was saying how he felt like he was dreaming and kinda wanted to cry. He had told me previously that he hasn’t told his family in his hometown that he is in such a place as he doesn’t want to worry them but he said they can feel something is wrong. This situation is having such an impact on the people that are taken here.
They actually turned the warehouse lights off tonight! I don’t know why it has taken 6 days for this! They were so bright. One of my friends in the other block had said they had been protesting about it on their floor on a previous night to get them turned off. It still isn’t dark as there is light from the office window which I am right next to and each bed has a strip light but it is definitely an improvement. I won’t get blinded and be wide awake each time I take off my eye mask.
Thursday 7th April 2022
Last night was quite a good sleep. It was better sleeping conditions with the lights off and nobody was up and about shouting and waking everybody up. They did shout on the speaker around 6.15am which I just always guess is temperature check. I sleepily do my check and pass the results to room Auntie 3. I still don’t understand the early morning wake up! Every time I hear the noise on the loud speaker and then the feedback on the microphone before they speak it triggers me. Today will mark the 1 week anniversary of my arrival at covid prison. I think I will celebrate making it this far with my one pot of noodles and a can of coke that I brought.
My covid results still haven’t arrived after 48 hours since doing the test. I asked the doctor and was told to ‘be patient’ because many people are doing tests recently. My room Aunties don’t have their tests either. The pile of rubbish outside is still growing and is now level with the exits to our buildings. I have sent another message to the doctor asking when the rubbish will be taken and of my concern about rats and disease. I am still waiting on a reply… It has been one week since I have had a shower. I think this is the longest I have ever gone without a shower or bath! Even when I have been to music festivals I think the maximum has been 5 days when I went to Glastonbury!
Breakfast came round. There seems to be volunteers who are in here that actually help with jobs like handing out the food. I have seen some people helping out with jackets on that say hospital volunteer. I guess people just want to have a purpose even when in these conditions. Having my morning cup of English tea is probably a highlight of my day! It is the small comforts in here that help. We had our test right after breakfast which made me gag a little with literally just finishing eating. Seeing the old people here standing in line and going through the motions still upsets me and I never ‘get used’ to what I see in this environment. Everyday something shocks me. There are some people that just stay in their beds all day and all night like they are just existing in this place. They have been putting large posters up around the place today with exercise and meditation tips for people to do.
I have seen a post this morning which has been put out by many people which breaks my heart. It is about a lady that was taken to one of these sites and has she was taken her poor dog was killed. I honestly am speechless and upset that this kind of thing is happening in 2022. This experience is traumatic enough without the poor lady now being heartbroken about her pet.
I have also heard stories in here about people being taken to basically ‘holding pens’ which are temporary places that they take people to before arriving here! Apparently the condition is worse than here. I didn’t think that was possible. These are places with 30 people including elderly and children who might have to stay there for a day or two. These places had no hot water, no beds or no new blankets. Just chairs! Some people said that they protested, including a woman with young children. They then put the family in to a separate room and others who protested about the conditions they sent to one of these quarantine camps sooner.
After the test I had a low paced morning and just watched some trashy TV. Struggled with motivation this morning. Had lunch which was somewhat edible today. I feel frustrated that a couple of friends have been taken to a quarantine place. Conditions aren’t as bad as this place but still pretty grim. That might not be their final destination either. Their fear is that it could just be a holding place until they are sent to one of the quarantine camps. There has been news today of another site opening with 40,000 makeshift beds! When will this stop!!! I have been in touch with three people who have tested positive today so they are at the start of this scary unknown journey. I have been asking about the tests and why we don’t have the results after over 48 hours. It is just making us worry that we could still be positive and that is the reason but we have no clue! I felt extreme anger inside me this afternoon, something that I never usually experience.Just watching the elderly and kids that have been here a whole week now and the very poor conditions here just really upsets me inside. I tried walking around outside with my music playing to try and make me feel calmer.
I managed my workout and then our evening meal arrived. I was feeling so annoyed with everything that I didn’t even open the tray and stormed up to the bins and just threw it in. My room Aunties invited me to join them in Tai Chi so I did. This helped to take my mind off things and get myself back into a better state of calm. I then decided to make the pot of noodles and tried to relax with a can of Coke to mark one week of surviving in this place! I can’t believe i have been using those squatty’s for a whole week now!! Getting through that in itself needs celebrating! I feel pretty low tonight with still not having the results.
I started letting some friends back home know my situation as they have been messaging with regards to the general covid situation in Shanghai but they had no idea about my situation. I had already come off social media to focus on what was happening right now and needed to prioritise people actually living this first. I am feeling really sad right now.
Friday 8th April 2022
I cried myself to sleep last night. This is probably the most deflated I have felt so far. The waiting for results and not knowing is taking it out of myself and others. If I am told to wait, be patient or drink hot water one more time I swear I will scream!!! It is not even just the situation in here even people at home are struggling in this situation. My friend was saying how she was worried about old people like her 90 year old grandma starving from lack of food. I really can’t comprehend all of this. My friend in here is also feeling a bit low and wants to get out of here as he doesn’t feel well in this place. Even the breakfast wasn’t great this morning as it was a different filling in the buns which I didn’t like. 8 days and no shower… I think even my Aunties can feel that I am a little low today as one of them sent me a ‘come on!’ gif. They also took me to the window to ask for some medicine to help my chest. My blog has already been taken down in here. I haven’t said anything that is untrue…this is just my real life and it is helping my mind when I write. The purpose is to connect with family and friends and to try and help others who could end up in similar situations. If these conditions are what is acceptable for people then why does it matter if that is shared. People need to at least know what to prepare for in these conditions because I had no idea that I was even coming here. The huge rubbish pile is still growing with no idea when it will be taken away. This really worries me.
I spoke to the Embassy again today to seek further advice and support and the lady at the Embassy seems really genuine like she truly wants to help in any way she can. I don’t expect too much but any way to make this process more comfortable for others would help. Lunch today wasn’t great so I got one of my emergency tomato ketchup sachets I brought and put it over the food to try and make it a little more bearable. My room Aunties have seen that I haven’t been eating much and they went to the window and brought back a few snacks and a small bottle of medicine for me.
I was chatting on the phone to my Irish friend when an Hazmat came around with a wrist band. My first thought was… great maybe they are providing us with a free flow brunch!! If only!! I am not really sure why we have just received these medical bands on day 8. My Aussie mate reckons it must be because we are proper covid prison OG’s now. Even my friends in the other block were joking around about how our block had them and there’s didn’t.
I went out a couple of times in the afternoon just to get into the sun even if it is totally gross outside with the dirty, smelly toilets and rubbish piles. I chatted to my friend from the other block for a while and a few locals through translation. He also hasn’t received his results yet and reckons this could mean we are still positive which I hope not! Some people have had both their tests back which are negative but they still have no idea when they will be allowed to leave. I know some people have been released from these places already but I feel like we are the forgotten Island here in Chongxing! They say after two negative tests you can leave these places but I don’t get my hopes up for a quick exit even with this outcome! I have seen some pictures and videos of worse places than here…I didn’t think that was possible! Even beds set up inside a swimming pool. Every day I continue to be shocked by something.
At one point I walked along the toilets opening each unlocked door trying to find a ‘clean’ toilet. My standard of what is classed as a ‘clean’ toilet now has certainly lowered. Every door I opened there was faeces ether in the squatty, around the squatty and even up back of the porta loo. I think I got to around toilet number 37 before there was a reasonable one that I could use. There was a young girl who was sent here with the hose pipe going from cubicle to cubicle cleaning them out. They did however bring extra bins today and finally took all the rubbish away! That is one small comfort at least knowing all that rubbish has gone as that was a huge worry for me with the disease it could bring.
I ate a small amount of dinner and one of the snacks my Aunties brought earlier. I did my daily fitness challenge after dinner today. i have usually done it by now but the last 24 hours have been a bit of a struggle for me. Probably the worst I have felt so far… I did some meditation which I should try and do more of. Especially in here as it helps to still my mind with what is going on. I made myself a foot spa with the bowl we had been given alongside my Aunties who were doing the same. My friend called me from America as she was extremely worried about me. It felt so good chatting to a friend from home as it was still somewhat removed from this situation. My friends here in Shanghai and the few people I have told out of China are all being super supportive but it is also very hard on them knowing I am in these conditions and there is nothing they can do. After the call I was messaging a little but my eyes became very heavy and tired. I am hoping this means I will sleep well tonight with the extreme tiredness hitting me. Still no test results arrived…
Saturday 9th April 2022
I slept quite well last night. I would say that is probably the best nights sleep I have had here so far and woke up naturally not from something waking me up! I did the usual washing routine and washed some underwear as I still have no clue how long until I get released! It has been 4 days since the first test, 2 since the last and another one due today but still no results! I don’t know anyone else in Shanghai that has waited 4 days for results. I went to the toilets and like others at the portaloos were trying many doors to try and find a toilet that didn’t have faeces all over. It is just so gross! There are elderly and disabled people here who probably find using these toilet facilities quite difficult. We had breakfast and enjoyed my morning cuppa. I’d not quite finished my breakfast when the Hazmat came in spraying the disinfectant around with no warning, so I grabbed my breakfast quickly to avoid it getting sprayed on. Then we had our 3rd test since being here. My Aunties making sure that I was behind them in the line in case I needed any help. The pattern now seems to be every 2 days but still no information about getting our results. A truck came again today to take the bins so I hope this will be a regular thing now.
I was messaging the doctor this morning and I mentioned that I would be getting my period soon and if there was any way that women could get wipes for hygiene purposes with not having showers here. See the message response in the pictures below for the response I received. I am just disgusted that people are expected to live like this! These are just basic needs.
I actually keep thinking it is Sunday today… I am losing all concept of days in here. I just nipped out to use the toilet but saw my friend Su out there so I went to chat. We soon had other locals join us and engaging in translated conversations. A lady was telling me that I was beautiful and that my eyes were like diamonds. Some of the short Chinese guys were comparing feet sizes with me and found that funny. Glad I can make some people laugh even if it is at my expense. We were just sharing stories and experiences and one guy was making Tik Tok videos of us. One guy wanted to show me his ‘I Love You’ tattoo because it was written in English. We are all just trying to raise each others spirits the best we can in here. A small child came out with his dad. That is the youngest child i have seen here so far. I engaged with the child who was showing me his stickers for a little while. I just felt so bad that he was in here so I wanted to make him smile. He was super cute! I was messaging another friend in the other block and I mentioned to her about the messages I had sent with regards to female hygiene. She was very kind and brought some wipes to me in case I needed any. There are some very nice people here which makes this awful experience that little more bearable. One thing I am grateful for is the sunshine! The environment might be like hanging out in the slums but having the sun in your face sure does help.
I had a small portion of lunch and one of the snacks that my room Aunties gave me yesterday. I went to the toilets again and they are still VERY grim!!! Those of us trying to find a cleanish toilet were just looking at each other and feeling each others frustration. I asked my friend to help me write a message in Chinese for my room Aunties. I just wanted to express how grateful I am for them and to let them know that I am here if they need anything. We also took some pics to send to my family and friends back home to show them the kind and caring people that I am in here with.
I mostly tried to catch up with messages this afternoon and watched a bit of TV. My friend here who very recently had a baby sent me the cutest video that brought a smile to my face. I had another call from the lady at the Embassy who again listened to me and is showing great empathy and concern with what I am going through. I am being realistic about the situation but I feel like she is taking my situation seriously and doing what she can. This is serious! This could happen to any single one of you living in Shanghai right now. This is the harsh reality… One of the Hazmats brought me s tub of instant noodles. I will save these for a day when I really struggle to eat much of the food provided. Dinner came slightly earlier today. I went outside and spoke to my friend for a little while. The stars were really clear tonight which you don’t often notice in Shanghai .You sure do appreciate the little things in here. I then did my daily challenge which ended up being even later today but I am determined to see it through. I am too competitive not to!
It is 10pm now and I still don’t have a single test result back or any time frame for my release. I also have friends who are currently in limbo after testing positive over a week ago now so could be negative now. They have been home in isolation for 12 days yet their neighbourhoods are still putting pressure on to get them out so they could still be shipped to one of these awful places. There was the usual nose of what people were watching/playing on their phones without headphones and talking but I eventually managed to fall asleep.
Sunday 10th April 2022
I slept quite well again last night… who knew that meeting basic needs like warmth and turning off the bright lights could help! It still isn’t the most comfortable of conditions, sleeping on a wooden board with the thinest of mattresses (if you can even call it that) but I have actually seen worse ‘beds’ than this in some places. The first thing I did before checking my temperature was check my Cloud/Alipay for my results. Three tests done and still not a single result showing! I was coughing so room Auntie 3 took me to the counter for medicine. I was going to take a packet of medicine I had from a few days ago but the Aunts told me not to take it because it can cause bad stomach and diarrhoea so I threw it in the bin. I certainly don’t want that problem in here, it’s already bad enough. Basic tasks in here like washing and changing take longer due to the lack of privacy and no wash rooms. When I went to wash, there were at least 4 taps broken now and some blocked sinks. The toilets again were a complete mess this morning. It’s hard enough having to get used to using a squatty for 10 days already but the state of them is next level! I have started getting mouth ulcers too which I generally get if I am run down or not maintaining a healthy diet. So it is evident that these conditions are impacting my heath. I only have 1 more vitamin supplement after today so I wont even have that to help with the poor diet. Breaky was the buns with the awful filling so I haven’t eaten much for breakfast. I just ate around the outside of the buns, ate the egg and drank the milk.
After breakfast to doctor messaged me and asked if I wanted to join the Ba Duan Jin 八段锦 session which I said I would. It passes the time, it s relaxing and helps me to integrate with the locals in here. I had a guy in front of me who I was kinda following as I couldn’t quite see he Hazmat from where I was stood and he would sometimes mix up his left and right so I would have been better standing behind the Hazmat. I have been doing this a little with my room Aunties so I am picking up the moves now.
After we finished the session I went out to find my friends to hang out in the toilet block. Again there were people staying here trying to clean out the toilets with a hosepipe. Me and my friend were trying to think of our positives about being here and at the top of our list was the people we had met here. Other things were the money we would be saving, weight loss and daily exercise. Then we said how we appreciated the small things like the sunshine and the stars. It was a nice conversation to try and find good in what we are experiencing. Two of my room Aunties came out for a little bit and were chatting to me through translation through my friend. Dancing man approached us and shared the excellent news that he would be leaving today. Tattoo man also! Dancing man did say how he hopes it is after lunch so he can eat first.. Some of the people leaving are worried about food when they leave here, especially the elderly. There should be some kind of food package for people when they leave these places because many will be going home to nothing. Hopefully they will be supported by their Communities to access food. An aeroplane flew directly above us and it made me think about home a little. I also thought it might have been my friends sending a rescue party but no such luck! There are still a few of us that were chatting that still don’t have any test results yet so we can only presume that we are still positive. People are saying if it says ‘pending’ on your results then this means positive as they don’t actually write positive on there. Nobody here has had a test back that states the word positive… only pending! One of my friends in the other block who arrived a day later but been on the same time line has the two negatives too but no news of when she can leave! Maybe they are starting with the negatives in this block today and the other block tomorrow. People just want to leave now!
I messaged the doctor to ask about the test situation and if ‘pending’ meant a positive result and they confirmed that it did.
I completed my daily fitness challenge early today. I am so grateful to the person doing this with me and keeping me motivated to maintain daily fitness!! I put on some hydro gel eye patches and relaxed a little before lunch arrived. I started coughing a little and Auntie 3 pointed to my medicine and told me to take it. I feel like I have had quite a productive morning for covid prison life. The lunch was ok and I ate more than average of what I would normally eat in here. I was standing on my bed to see what is going on around the room. Many people were doing the same as people are curious about when people will leave. Dancing Man and Tattoo Man saw me and came over to say hi. They asked for my WeChat with leaving and messaged instantly saying how it was nice to have met me here. A little while later and they sent a photo from the bus to say they were leaving… They must have taken them out discreetly as we never even noticed them leave. Myself and my friend have expressed mixed emotions about them leaving. Complete joy that they can now go home but sad that we wont see them around the place as they were both interesting and funny characters. Also that feeling of why not us…
The End is in Sight!!!
So I’d heard of a few people getting their negative results and I was starting to feel a bit disheartened chatting to my friend as neither of us had anything come through. I was just chilling on my bed when Room Auntie 3 tapped me on the shoulder to show me her Alipay result and that I should check mine. I checked and there it was…my first NEGATIVE result!!! I checked my cloud app to make sure as I just couldn’t believe that I might actually leave this nightmare soon! There it was NEGATIVE!!! My friend is still waiting for his and feeling upset about it and one of my room Aunties too hasn’t received anything yet. I really hope something comes through for them today!! Just then there was a bit of a commotion and many were standing on their beds. I stood on my bed and I could see people throwing things into bags and carrying their belongings. In the distance I could see people walking towards the exit of the building. I burst into tears as I felt overwhelmed with emotions seeing people leaving and knowing that would be me soon. Just imagining what it will be like to step out of those doors brought me to tears.
I was going to treat myself to the noodles tonight but tonight was one of the more edible meals so decided to save them for more of an emergency meal.My friend still hadn’t received his results so I said I would meet him outside to chat to see how he was doing. The date on his test said the 8th rather than yesterday’s date which was strange I hope they are just delayed and he gets them soon. Whilst chatting a line started appearing across the doorway in his building. People had their belongings as they must have had the go-ahead to leave! It is so great to see people getting out of this place finally. There was a bit of a buzz around the courtyard and more people actively moving around out there than usual. The thought of getting out of here must have energised people. I started feeling a little tired so came back in to relax. I shared my good news with friends and family as they have been constantly checking in on me and hoping for my release! Tomorrow should be another test day so potentially Wednesday could be the day if results come back quickly but it could all depend if my Neighbourhood will have me straight from here. There are some people still here after three positive tests so there is certainly no guarantees with the time line.
Monday 11th April 2022
After my cleaning routine we had breakfast. Another walk trying many portaloos to find that ‘clean’ one. For breakfast my steamed buns were completely squashed but I ate them all the same. My room Aunties sit their milk in a cup of hot water to warm up their milk up. We had test number 4 today. Some of my friend are still here today even after 3 negatives! I hope they get released soon! Others still didn’t receive any negative test last night which is a shame for them I messaged my Neighbourood Committee about coming home when I am released but I have heard nothing back which is not very reassuring. It is very weird looking around the place and seeing some empty beds. I am sure these will be filled soon.
I had a message from Dancing Man who was keen to show me that he was back at home and he did a video to share where he lived. I am really pleased for him. This guy brought a lot of energy in here and just seemed to love life. His energy is certainly missed around the place.
I was just about to start my daily fitness challenge when the ‘Ghost Buster’ hazmat came round with his disinfectant spray and wet the whole floor. This makes absolutely no sense as the floor just gets dirty from the wetness and the dust! I used tissues to dry the floor a little and went outside to do part of my fitness challenge. After the floor had dried some more I put down my yoga mat and continued the rest. Auntie 2 did some some Ba Duan Jin 八段锦 and then gave herself a head massage.
Again I have been trying to fight for help for women’s basic hygeine! I can’t believe basic needs like this are not being met. This is 2022!
I was chatting to a Chinese friend out of here who is trying to do a lot to help people such as the Elderly in need. She also does a lot to help children in Orphanages. I am honoured to call her my friend and I am inspired by the selfless things she does to help others above herself. Se was telling me how her 90 year old grandma is crying daily. The elderly and vulnerable should not be going through this kind of trauma at this stage in their lives. It is completely heartbreaking.
Lunch arrived and I can’t even…. I’ll have the noodles in a bit if I am still hungry. My Aunties took me to the window as they were handing out some fruit! I couldn’t contain my excitement as I took the orange from the Hazmat and expressed my gratitude. This is the first piece if fruit that we have seen in this place!
After lunch I went outside and spoke to a friend on the phone. It was a beautiful sunny day however the locals mostly stay in the shade or indoors. Unlike me the foreigner with my sleeves rolled up and sunny’s on. Tik Tok Man always tries to talk to me even though I understand very little. It is just nice that people are trying to show kindness even with the language barrier. He also directed me out of the sun to stand in the shade. My quarantine friend came out and joined us and we chatted for a while. I got the message that my other friend who had the 3 negative tests was finally leaving and on the bus! Such great news! Tik Tok Man also has 3 Negatives but I think his Neighbourhood are making it difficult for him to go home. The lack of transport are other reasons that people are saying.
I came back inside to relax a little and spoke to my Mum and the family who are currently having a break in Scotland. Sitting on my bed was a small bottle of hand sanitizer. This is the first time that we have been given any or even seen any around the place. The evening meal again was terrible and hardly touched any of it.
The Embassy called me twice today. The lady I speak to always reassures me and listens to all of my concerns. I am grateful that she is trying to do all that she can for this situation. I also received a call from the Foreign Office in London. From the call I felt like they were far removed from this situation and showed little empathy. They seemed to just brush it off because I already had the Embassy here involved and they were just saying how hopefully I can go home now I have a negative. I did stress that this was a bigger problem than just me and that this could happen to anyone here right now if they test positive.
They have started making up the beds again ready for new arrivals! It makes me quite sad to think that people will just be at the start of this awful journey! After dinner I went outside for a bit and I could hear raised voices in the other block. It was people protesting about not being able to leave despite their 2 negative tests! I saw the lady there who had to leave her dog behind at home. I really hope that she can get home soon and that her dog will be ok. People are not happy about sill being stuck in this place! Tok man then came out and sat on a chair that was there whilst watching Tik Tok videos. He then stood up and offered me his chair which I politely declined. We took a selfie and sent it to Dancing Man who has also been messaging to check in and see how we are doing. I was pleased to know that Dancing Man had enough food supplies after returning to his home. My friend who left earlier messaged and said she still wasn’t home 6 hours after leaving here on the bus. They picked up at places like the Expo centre and dropped people off all around Shanghai which took a lot of time.
When I went inside I was pretty hungry as I hadn’t eaten much today. Luckily I had my emergency noodles that the hazmat gave me…so now was the time! I relaxed a little and I was just dropping to sleep when they started shouting on the microphone. It was to prepare some people ready for leaving. Not Auntie 3 though. She was still tucked up in bed after her second positive yesterday. So she will too be looking at leaving after her 3rd which gives me less hope for even getting out on Wednesday! My Neighbourhood Committee has also still been silent. I have a feeling that tonight could be a disruptive night with people leaving and potentially coming but I will try to get some sleep…
I have also seen some posts about people being free today. Also many people doing heroic acts to help their communities. As much as I fully understand how much people want their freedom or to help others. There is still the harsh reality that this could happen to you and your family, so I really do urge people to think and not take unnecessary risks. Actually having covid didn’t really affect me but being in this place has undoubtably impacted both my physical and mental health in some way. Not having even the basic human needs can break even the strongest of people at times.
Tuesday 12th April 2022
It has been 2 Weeks today since I tested positive! 12 days with no shower! Aunt 3 tapped me and woke me up to check my test results. I checked and there it was!! My second Negative!!! Although this is excellent news and I will now be on the list to leave I am also being realistic that it may not be an immediate release. Aunt 3 is still here after three negative tests and Tik Tok Man is now on 4. So i guess I just have to wait… be patient…drink hot water!!! The solution to all life’s problems! Aunt 3 did show me her health code though which is now finally back to green! No new people have arrived here yet which I was surprised at.
I did my fitness challenge before breakfast today. Again this morning people are kicking off about leaving! There was shouting from the other end of the block and people standing on their beds because people keep protesting to go home now. My friend who left yesterday finally got home last night after 7 hours!! It was so nice to see a picture of her at home with her cute little pup! There are still doctors in these places who are extremely worried about their patients and people dying because doctors are out there testing and dealing with the covid situation rather than treating those really sick and needing medical care. I saw a report today about a lady who came to Shanghai with her mum who needed cancer treatment but because she tested positive she was unable to enter the hospital.
I went outside to chat to my friend for a short while and Dancing Man was sending us both the same messages and videos from his home so we sent him a selfie. There was a lady walking around in a bin bag… I am not sure if she was trying to protect herself from something or hiding from the sun. We decided to name her Superhero Lady. I then came back in to attend a webinar organised by the British Chamber Shanghai. I didn’t feel like I heard anything new from the Q & A session with the government and they never answered the question that I submitted. The question I asked was around whether they should be advising British Citizens to leave the country when they could essentially be sent to a covid prison camp if they tested positive. The information from Virgin was quite depressing in terms of direct flights resuming any time soon. It did give a greater insight into how the crew would have to quarantine here in poor conditions after every flight. Also the longer travel time due to restricted air space meaning longer flight times which would add to the safety concern if staff were tired from not getting sufficient rest in the quarantine facilities. Sometimes it was difficult to hear the meeting with many still kicking off about still being here, some after 4 negatives!
I ate lunch whilst on the webinar. I keep seeing more flies flying around in here now which are annoying. My room Aunties said to get medication and when Auntie 1 went they didn’t give her the cough medicine for some reason and she looked a bit sad about it. I gave her one of mine as I don’t need it as much as her. I couldn’t really understand why they wouldn’t give it to her. They also ran out of face masks today when I went and asked for new ones for our room. Again basic resources not being available for everyone. I tried again with requesting hygiene products for woman but got nowhere. I will keep trying…
I went outside in the afternoon to chat with my quarantine pals. It is nice having people to connect with in here. When I interact with some of the more elderly in here it does sometimes make me picture my own grandparents (who are no longer with us) being forced into these conditions which I just find unimaginable. My friend came in and spoke to the doctor with me to double check that they had all my information to prepare for leaving whenever that may be. They just say that they have to wait for the Government to give the information. I stayed out chatting until dinner time. I also spoke to one of my friends who is currently in limbo and locked down. She had a tough night last night as there had been help to get her a food delivery which included meat but nobody brought it to her door. So now the meat is wasted with it being a warm evening. I have heard of many difficulties with this kind of thing where some foreigners are feeling isolated or unwanted within their communities. Everyone needs to be pulling together right now and supporting each other during this difficult time.
Two of my room Aunties left this afternoon. Room Auntie 2 & 3. Room Auntie 3 gave me her full details incase I needed any help with anything and left her shampoo on my bed. I did feel a little sad to see them go as they have been very kind to me. I also felt bad for room Auntie 1 as she hasn’t had any negatives yet and I could see the sadness in her eyes this afternoon. They came and removed everything from Auntie 2 and 3’s beds which again felt quite sad knowing it is just me and Auntie 1 left and not knowing when we will be released. I am very happy that the Aunties are getting out of here though and back to their families where they should be.
The evening meal wasn’t great so I didn’t eat much. I didn’t really do much after dinner. I just chilled on my bed, watched some TV and caught up with friends both here and at home.As much as I am really looking forward to getting out of here there are also slight worries of whether the community will embrace my return. My Neighbourhood still hasn’t responded to my messages about me returning home this week. There is also the issue of trying to source food which is a worry across Shanghai right now. I have attempted ted a food order already with the next available date being the 25th April! They started putting new bedding onto the beds next to us and around the building but they hadn’t done any thorough clean around the room. Ghost Buster hazmat was spraying around the building.
New Arrivals
How quickly things can change in here… I was just winding down for the night and was pretty much ready to sleep when a whole factory of workers from a factory near Jinqiao came through the door! They started filling up beds that were in rooms with patients that had at least 2 Negatives test results therefore shouldn’t be sharing with newly infected people. Those in those rooms started protesting about the situation. I had sent a message to the doctor too asking if they were planning on putting newly infected people in these beds next to me and Aunt 1. If they were I said that this should not be happening until we leave! Some of the men protesting actually spoke some English and we were agreeing that we did not want to mix with new cases. I stood with the men and sent some messages alongside trying to protest this. They then told the men and some women that had now joined that they could move ‘rooms.’ The Hazmat then guided me to my room and said that I could take my things and move. This is after they told my HR when I first arrived that they put me next to the office to feel safer with being the only foreigner. Now they wanted me to just move somewhere else? I told her that me and Aunt 1 were not moving and that they shouldn’t put new cases in here. I said if she wants me to move, then send me home! When she walked away I sent a series of messages saying that they should keep old cases together and not mix new ones and that I was calling the British Embassy as I didn’t feel safe. I called the Embassy emergency hotline and said that I want this logging now, that I didn’t’t feel safe and that they are trying to put us with new cases. I said that I will call the representative I speak to in Shanghai in the morning. I then cried down the phone telling her that I just want to leave here now and that I don’t want to be here anymore. The next thing, the Hazmats brought two woman who had been here with us since we arrived which we then felt better about. Aunt 1 was very grateful for this as she wants to go stay healthy and go home! The new lady who joined next to me is now on 4 negative tests she was saying. Why are people not going home??? I struggled to sleep after this as my adrenaline was going. New people continued to filter into the camp… It is 2.15am and people are still active around the room with arriving here late and trying to adjust to their new surroundings. The lights are fully on!
Wednesday 13th April 2022
| I woke up around 6.15am after falling asleep some time around 2.30am. I feel completely drained and still feel angry and upset about last night’s situation. The lights didn’t go off all night and the newcomers were noisy early in the morning. I had breakfast and messaged the doctor about going home. She said I would be going home today but was unsure on the time but it wouldn’t be in the morning. This was great news to be going home but until I was on that bus I wouldn’t believe it. I made sure that everything was packed (not that I’d really unpacked anything) and ready to leave when I got the call. I did my fitness challenge early, especially with not knowing the time that I would leave to go home. I went outside and paced up and down the outside area listening to music to trying to relax my mind and energise myself a little. There were piles of bags with bedding in them which I am guessing will just go to waste. So much money and resources are being wasted through this. With the new arrivals came more stares again with being the only foreigner. This became much less after a few days of being there as people just got used to seeing me around and interacting more. I then went to grab a small bin bag to sit outside and then Tik Tok Man came out with a large yellow waste bag for me as it was thicker to sit on. He is so kind and thoughtful, I hope he gets to go soon! We made another Tik Tok video before I left. I had lunch and then called the Embassy to let her know that I was leaving and to update her about last night’s situation. She continued to reassure me with the things that she was doing. She also offered to connect with the Epermarket Manager to arrange an emergency box which is now getting delivered tomorrow! The food shortages right now in Shanghai is another stress so this has helped me a lot. I went out to chat with Su and Tik Tok man even though it was raining. |
Farewell Fangcang ‘Hospital’
After a while, the lady who slept in room Auntie 3’s bed came out to say that I needed to get ready to leave. It all felt a bit frantic and I tried to ask someone behind the glass with Su’s help but he wasn’t really giving me a clear answer which was stressing me a little as I wasn’t sure if that was my bus that was about to leave. Tik Tok Man was waiting at my door whilst I gathered my things together. He shook my hand and said goodbye to me and left. Even in this experience it feels sad to be saying farewell to people. One of the Hazmat’s came with her list and told me that I was on it for the next bus. I was so happy to have this confirmed. I cried as I gave room Auntie 3 a big hug. I felt bad leaving her here alone as we would always look out for each other in here. Then my friend Su came with me to the exit and waited with me until they called me through. We were given our exit papers to show that we had the all clear. Most people had their belongings wrapped in the yellow bags. They sprayed our luggage and us with disinfectant. I then gave Su a huge hug and thanked him for being a true friend who I could call upon in here. We have been there for each other through the ups and the down and we will certainly remain friends after this.
Leaving… or so I thought. We got a fresh mask on the way out and the waited at the door a little and then around 3pm we got on the couch. Su had written some sentences in Chinese for me to help so I could ask to put my luggage under the bus rather than struggle with it on the bus like on the journey here which was helpful. He also wrote a translation for taking it off the bus as I was worried that they may forget and drive away with the luggage when I return home. We waited a little and then the coach started making its way to the gate and out it went! We drove up the road a little and then turned around… we were heading back into the gate! Why are we back at this place???
The bus to nowhere!
We stopped at our building and picked someone up. Ok so we forgot someone, so that was fair enough that we went back as everyone needs their escape! Then we carried on around the back of the buildings and went to the back of my friend’s building. This was when I realised that we were waiting for others from my friend’s building so we still weren’t ready to leave! There was another quarantine camp behind my friend’s building, so I have no idea how many more of these places there are on this site. We waited patiently and 4 hours passed. Surely we can’t be waiting here much longer! I really needed the toilet at this point. Some people came off the bus so I followed thinking they might be going to a toilet but no they were going to the door of the building to protest about waiting so long and then the door was shut in our faces. I really needed the toilet, so I asked my HR to speak to the driver. He basically told me to crouch at the side of the bus where people could see and would give me an umbrella. As I was completely sleep deprived, this just angered me as I was sick of having to compromise basic needs and my dignity in this place! I stormed down the aisle of the bus and I exchanged a few angry words as I went back to my seat. HR and I tried to speak with the doctor inside who basically said that once that you are out you can’t go back inside. After a little while I just needed to go. Who knows how much longer we would be sitting there? I started looking around and a lady on the bus came out and showed me a discreet place that I could go in the pouring rain. Once I got back on the bus, I was now soaked from the rain so started to get chilly. I don’t even have a coat because I never brought one thinking I was coming to a hotel!! My friend Su had come to the window at this point to see how I was as we had been messaging. He couldn’t believe that I was still here. The time continued to pass and my friend kept coming to the window to check in on me. He would shine his phone light to show me that he was there.
We hadn’t even been offered any food or water in all this time. We would have been better just staying in our rooms until they were ready to leave. A few friends tried calling and messaging but I was struggling to respond with how I was feeling and also wanted to preserve battery on my phone. Even though people think I would naturally be happy going home even getting out of this place is such an ordeal that it is difficult to even dig deep to find those happy emotions. Over 6.5 hours passed before other people got on the bus and we could leave. I can’t believe we have been sat on the bus this long! It just continues to be one shocking experience after another. I was too emotionally drained to deal with this today and I just kept crying on the bus. My friend Su told me that Tik Tok man was also on a bus home and that he had managed to Skype him to say farewell. I am so glad that he can finally go home after all many negatives! I managed to message my friend Su just before the bus departed and he made it to the window so we could wave goodbye to each other with our torches through the window. Again, I was completely emotional and couldn’t control my tears. Finally we made our way our of this awful place and for real this time! We made our way through Changxing, onto the main road and eventually we were off the forgotten island!
The tears kept coming along the journey from complete exhaustion and the emotions of what I had been through. It was so strange driving through Pudong, across the bridge and along the streets of Puxi as they were completely deserted. Since the lockdown, I have seen drone videos of the empty streets but actually seeing such a thriving city so still felt surreal and eerie. There were the odd Hazmat on the roads driving along on scooters. We dropped of various people on route and then those remaining on the bus called ‘laowai’ (foreigner) to me as my stop was coming up. I was already tracking the route to see where we were to make sure that I was ready. I put my backpack on ready and finally we stopped outside my gate. It was hard to believe that I was actually here! It has been raining heavily all day so the road was a little flooded. I had to jump off the bus and onto the pavement to avoid the excessive amount of water on the road. The Hazmat who spoke quite good English helped me to get my luggage from under the bus and over the huge puddle. I reckon it would have taken a maximum of 3 hours to drop everyone home so the fact they kept us on that bus for so long was ridiculous. They could have literally have driven us home and gone back in that time!
I crossed the road and my gate was open so I walked through the gate. I knocked on the guards window as he was in his chair sleeping and I wasn’t sure if I could get into my building. He woke up and nodded and gestured that it would be ok. It felt totally surreal walking down my lane again. It was pouring down with rain but I didn’t care! I was just glad to be home and new that a hot shower would be happening very soon!
Home Finally!
As I got to my building there were 2 people asleep on a thin mattress asleep at the top of the ramp that goes into my building. I guessed that they were there to guard the building during lockdown but also totally shocked that they have to just live outside in such extreme conditions like homeless people. One of them woke up and pointed to the chain on the gate which had the key in it and gestured for me to just open it… very secure leaving the key in the lock. I approached the lift and it still didn’t feel real pressing that button! I went up to my floor and as I turned the corner the huge taped X was still on my door. I am not sure if I was meant to but I ripped it down! I did not want this shame on my door any longer! There were some medicine and self testing kits sitting on my doorstep. I turned the key and finally I was in my apartment! I still have that feeling of disbelief that I am here. Even though I was extremely exhausted, I immediately put the clothes that I was wearing into the washing machine, grabbed a celebratory beer from the fridge and went in that shower! I can’t even tell you how good it felt to finally have a hot shower after two weeks of not showering! After the shower I threw a few more things into the washing machine and set it going. I finished my beer and fell straight to sleep.
Corona = Extra!!!
Messages from Mum and Dad ❤️
Just for fun!
Thursday 14th April 2022
The kindness of others
I had the best sleep I have had in weeks! i didn’t wake up once in the night and woke up naturally at 8.30am. Good sleep and food is going to be important now to feel better as I still have a mouth full of ulcers from being so run down from a poor diet and stress. I have had a few deliveries today from school and the emergency Eper box that the Embassy kindly organised. So at least I have the basics and fruit!!! So much fruit!!! I have found my neighbourhood committee un responsive since my first negative to now and don’t answer any of my questions. However, some of my neighbours in the building have been very kind to me today. I gave away some of the supplies I had because I live alone so would have gone to waste and others in the building brought me some supplies in return. I received some veggies, some local food products, a box of organic tomatoes, soft drinks and even an ice cream! I will save that as a treat for when I can enjoy it once these ulcers disappear. A couple of of my younger neighbours added me on WeChat to check how I was doing. This has been really reassuring as coming back to my community was something I felt really anxious about from some of the things that I experience prior to leaving as well as the experiences some of my friends were having. Some of the community group chats can be very toxic in this situations but it is important to focus on those kind people in the community doing what they can to support others. You are never going to change the opinion of small minded people wherever in the world you are.
Time to heal
I have been very slow with motivation today. Doing just the smallest of tasks has felt like a lot of effort. I haven’t been answering messages or calls today unless with people who are also experiencing their own difficult situations or family members. I just need to take some time to process everything and settle myself back home. I managed to get all my washing done by the end of the day so that is done. I have been frantically cleaning anything that I had taken to that place… including myself! I have had many showers today. No matter how many showers I have or how long I stand in there I just cant feel clean. I feel like my clothes I am wearing are unclean and I feel like I can still taste the dust (especially when I cough). I weighed myself today and I have lost around 3kg! I’ll take that but still it highlights the poor diet. Some things have already been triggering since I got home if they made me associate being in that place. I couldn’t write my blog and doing the daily fitness challenge triggered that association. I did it though! I need to re-wire my brain with these associations so I need to push through. Other things like the Hazmat at my door with my delivery, the megaphone going off were also triggers. I have been up and down with emotions today. These are all things that I am going to have to take time with and work through as being home doesn’t instantly take away the trauma. I also still have friends who haven’t left the Fancang ‘hospital’ so until they leave it will still feel like part of me is still there. I have still been chatting to Su and Auntie 1 today to make sure that they are ok. Su received his second negative so he should be going home tomorrow! Auntie 1 is still going to be there a little longer. So far nobody else had joined her room after we left.
The nightmare doesn’t end
It is great that I have left that awful place but this could and still is happening to others. There are still friends currently living in limbo with the fear of being taken and still have friends currently in quarantine facilities. I had an email from my MP about the news of my release but I had to stress that this is a bigger problem than just me and that it could happen to other British citizens. I also saw another alarming post about a friend of a friends going through their own nightmare. Hearing this I wanted to reach out to try and offer some support as it is hard for people to fully understand what this is like unless you have been in this direct situation. My friend and I have tried to help to get someone from their Embassy to help them but some Embassy’s can be more helpful than others from talking to various people in similar situations so it is hard to know what support can be given. The people I have been in contact with from the British Embassy have been nothing but supportive to me and are now trying to support one of my British friends. They were always transparent with me around what they were trying to do and realistic with certain aspects of the processes. The lady from the Embassy messaged me this morning to check in which was really thoughtful of her and I shared the ordeal of what it was like to get home with her. I hope my friends friend can get the support he needs and can get home soon!
When all you need is a hug
I think one of the hardest things I am finding right now is not being able to be with those closest to me following what I have been through. My friends and family are there on the other end of the phone but not being able to interact directly or just have a hug which I need more than ever right now feels quite difficult.
Grateful for the small things
Some things that I have felt grateful today are being able to shower, use a western toilet, walk barefoot, not having to sit on my bed to eat, fruit, getting undressed/washed in private, privacy in general, my own bed and the kindness of others.
Friday 15th April 2022
Last night there were a couple of times that I woke up feeling panicky but soon managed to get back to sleep with realisation that I was home. I had breakfast and then started updating my blog as I just couldn’t do it yesterday. I have watched some TV and just tried to switch off a little. I am just taking one day at a time but I will get there and this will become a thing of the past. I have said it before but I don’t want this to define my experience in Shanghai. Although it has been a significant one it is only a small part of the time I will spend here. I just hope things do improve soon as this is hard for everyone here on different levels. I have to try and find some meaning of why this has happened to me and how to channel it positively. I am trying to focus on the good that can come from such a traumatic experience such as being able to help others either directly or through speaking to those who have the powers to take action how ever small that may be. Also I have met some wonderful humans that I would never have crossed paths with and will be forever grateful for.
I have been chatting to Su and finally he was able to leave today! His final night in there had mirrored that of mine where a huge group of new people entered in the middle of the night. He said that he felt scared and anxious which were the same feelings that I had felt on that final night. It is quite intimidating having that happen to you in the middle of the night. He went to try and find my room Auntie 1 to check in on her but he said she had moved beds. I messaged her to make sure that she was ok and Su was right, she had moved. I am guessing that more people had come in during the night so she moved in order to be away from newly positive cases. 2.05pm and Su messaged a video to show that he was on his way home! I am so glad that he didn’t have that ridiculous wait on the bus and will soon be home at a reasonable time!
Su made it home in good time and had a pretty straight forward journey home. He isn’t staying in his actual home still though over the next 7 days. His building manager has allocated another room for him. He still feels much better just being away from that place. He is also feeling the need to excessively wash himself and his belongings which is all part of the after effects of this trauma.
I did my daily challenge which I will continue with whilst ever I am in lockdown to keep motivated. It helps not doing it alone as I am more determined not to quit it! I cooked dinner which was a made up version of a chilli con carne with the foods I had (no mince). It actually didn’t taste too bad. Better than it looked anyway. The blender that I bought ages ago on Taobao that I have never used has come in useful anyway! We also received a bag of self testing kits, masks and medication today.
I didn’t actually realise until later on that I hadn’t actually bothered getting changed out of my PJ’s today. Even when in lockdown I try to change to try and switch my energy but it hadn’t even crossed my mind to get dressed today. I actually fell into a deep sleep on the couch which I wouldn’t usually do. I would normally manage to drag myself to bed when I am tired but the lack of sleep the past few weeks must have really have taken it’s toll.
Saturday 15th April 2022
It is so nice to be waking up in my own bed! I still don’t believe it at times. I am not going to shower more than once today. It doesn’t make me feel any cleaner by washing more so I need to just stop and hopefully with each day these things will improve. After breakfast I finally finished unpacking the rest of the things from my case. I just couldn’t finish it the other day so just closed it up and pushed it to the side. Today I just wanted it done so I cleaned each item that I took out and scrubbed the whole suitcase inside and out. After it dried I finally put it away.
We had a message in our building group chat today about submitting a self-test. This triggered great anxiety as the last time I did one of these tests I was positive so it took me some time after messaging some friends for moral support to build up the courage to take the test. I just sat and watched the test without taking my eyes off it until the result appeared. Of course rationally thinking it would be negative but my brain isn’t always thinking in a rational way right now and panic sets in.
I did a lot of juicing today today to get back to being healthy and to make sure that I didn’t waste some of the fruit and veg. It is also easier to consume with the mouth ulcers still being painful. I feel like I have been quite productive in getting some jobs done today. I gave some more snacks to the kid next door and later they thanked me with eggs and fruit by leaving it on my door. That was so kind of them.
They came to disinfect outside my door today. It was so loud and powerful on the door. The smell was very strong and came right through into the apartment.
My friends who have also been in a quarantine centre finally got out today which is great news. Also the guy I mentioned on Thursday also made it home. Another friend who had their last test 16 days ago had a call today saying that a car was coming to collect her. She did a self test a few days ago which was negative so it made no sense to take her after 16 days. I think the problem is even if you are left at home there doesn’t seem to be much chance of someone coming to your door to test you so you can get off the list for being taken. Instead people are taken away even after a few weeks who are negative. The CDC said that they will call her back. There also seems to be an emphasis on close contacts again and articles saying that there is enough places to put people who are a close contact. I think many people have been lucky to avoid being taken due to places being unfinished and just setting them up so people have managed to stay home to the point that they no longer have to leave. Now these places are finished and up and running I think more people could be taken as a close contact or as a positive case. So I would really urge people to minimise any unnecessary risks to protect yourself and your family from being taken.
Sunday 17th April 2022
Happy Birthday Mum! ❤️
Thinking about you so much today. I wish I could give my mum the biggest hug right now! It is hard not having those people around you that make you feel safe when you go through something traumatic but I am grateful to have such a supportive and caring family.
I am also lucky to have my Shanghai fam! I have met some of the best people here both expats and locals. Someone asked me the other day about coming home. I tried to explain my life here normally and the response was that I should take the rough with the smooth then if I choose to stay and I will just end up back in a camp. I actually don’t agree with this type of comment and don’t think life is as straight forward as that or that the rough should just be accepted either as change in the world would never happen if everyone thought this way. Yes the easy thing to do right now would be to return and forget it or I could try and use a terrible experience to help others. It is like saying those who suffer domestic violence and choose to stay, those unhappy in their jobs but don’t leave or those who choose to stay in their war stricken country and choose not flee should take the rough with the smooth. It is not a helpful comment! People may have their reasons. It may not always be that simple or they may need time before feeling strong enough to make the right decision.
I received a meat order last night but it came very late around 10.20pm and couldn’t be brought to my door so it was left over night for around 12 hours. I am already weird about this type of thing so I am unsure if I can actually still eat it now or not. The food ordering situation here right now is a bit of a nightmare. I did however manage to order a fruit box from Eper so I will be glad to receive that. I am always grateful for fruit! Two of my friends who have been in limbo after testing positive and had the long wait at home have now been officially tested! This is great news as it will now mean the end to that feeling of possibly being taken away!
I messaged room Auntie 1 and she is now on day 17 and still hasn’t left the building yet! I can’t even imagine still being in that place and I really do feel for her. She did receive another negative test this afternoon and should be leaving tomorrow. I have also been chatting to Su and Dancing Man who are both doing well at home.
Ive spoken to my mum today to wish her a happy birthday which was nice to see her and the fam up in Scotland. I also spoke to some former colleagues in Oz this afternoon which really brightened up my day and gave me a laugh. They are certainly missed here but they are in the best place right now that is for sure.
Monday 18th April 2022
I actually can’t believe that it is the 18th April already! This month has just passed in a blur. I continue to be grateful to be home and in my safe place. There are still things that are triggering me. A Hazmat volunteer was banging so forcefully on peoples doors today which made other residents anxious too. Especially those that live alone. When I opened the door he was signalling me to follow him which brought back many anxieties for me of being taken. I pointed to the sensors on my doors (which I am not sure if they are still activated) and told him I mustn’t leave my apartment for 7 days. Not even for testing! He was being quite adamant that I follow so I started putting my trainers on By the time that I had them on he came back with some cooking oil, noodles and rice which all residents are receiving today.
My fruit order from Eper arrived today so I can make more juice and continue to build up my immune system! My naighbour has been very helpful and she gave me some rice this morning before we knew we would be getting some and she helped me access a veg and fruit delivery which came really quick and was fresh looking. I am so grateful to have such kind and caring neighbours. My friend and co teacher has also been extremely helpful to me since I returning home. She has joined my building chat and will often call numbers that I receive to see what the query is. Getting calls when I don’t understand the language has been another trigger. She has been great in helping me to settle back into my community as I felt quite anxious about this.
Living in Limbo
Last night 3 friends who have been in limbo for well over 2 weeks now had a call saying that they were going to be taken last night. All 3 are now completely negative! One said that a car would be coming for them at 10pm that night to take them to a hotel. They have evidence wither on their apps or from self tests that they are now negative. On one call they were told how the self-tests can be unreliable. If this is the case then why bother doing them! One was told that they were positive from a test they did on a date that they were never even tested. They have been scrabbling around yet again trying to prove that they are negative and should not be taken. All 3 friends are thankfully still at home but they continue to have the stress of being called up and taken anytime.The stress that this has put on many people I am in contact with has been a lot! It can be difficult being in lockdown and dealing with the daily struggles but this situation is going to leave people with mental scares. I know many expats who have already made the decision to leave the country this year as a result of what is happening. There was news today that 3 people have unfortunately died from covid. Hearing news like this is always sad. The cases were all very elderly with underlying health conditions. There is still a large percentage of the elderly that are either unvaccinated or haven’t received the booster yet.
Room Auntie 1 has left the building!!!
Some great news today! Room Auntie 1 has left the building and is finally home! I am glad to hear that she has arrived home at around 6pm and back home with her family after 18 long days of being there. She said that she took a very long bath in the evening. Now she can feel safe again and start healing at home. I am still in contact with some of the others and Dancing Man continues to send me daily videos of him dancing his way through lock down. I am going to get back into dancing tomorrow and take my first dance class since being home. Also a friend/fitness instructor from back home has kindly said that she will send me some dance/fitness videos that she made from her time in lockdown to keep me active. The kindness of others continues to shine through!
I have stayed in direct contact with a nurse from the Fangcang ‘hospital’ and she continues to try and put my message across to her leaders to try and get hygiene products for the woman and other things that may comfort people in those conditions. Many of the people on the ground there do care and want to help but are unable to do so with the resources they have. I am still unsure if anything can be done as it would be up to the leaders but I couldn’t just walk away and give up on the women in that place that need to keep their dignity.
I probably wont write my blog every day now as I will start back teaching online on Wednesday but I will update it every so often. Writing to me has been an outlet to help deal with and process the trauma as well as a way to connect and support others. I received a nice video from my class today and I am looking forward to seeing them this week. I also received some messages from Secondary students that were all very thoughtful and I read every single one. Thank you again to everyone who has sent thoughtful and encouraging messages. Please do get in touch if you are in direct need of support/advice or if you have been through this experience and need to talk to someone that understands.
Friday 22nd April 2022
I started back teaching on Wednesday. It was actually great to get back with the kids and back to some ‘normality.’ My health has continued to improve with sufficient healthy food and sleeping well. Mentally there will be good and bad moments but I have the tools and a good support network to keep improving and getting stronger. I have continued with the daily fitness challenge and I am starting to get back into some kind of home routine. I have been lucky to source enough food and water which continues to be a problem for many. Maybe not the usual luxuries but a good balance of what I need to stay healthy. Buying meat is still a stress as it sometimes can arrive late and be sat at the gate for long periods so I have been using vegan meat substitutes instead. It can take a bit of time out of your day trying to source/order food/items, cooking, juicing, chores and freezing etc. I have been giving quite a bit away to people in my building as there is always too much for me in the set orders so it would go to waste. I am still not really engaging in group calls and messages so much right now but even in the UK lockdown I found these things became tiring. Right now I prefer to use my down time to completely switch off and relax my mind.
One thing I am feeling right now is homesick. Probably the most homesick I have ever been and I have lived/travelled away from home quite a bit. I tried looking for flights home for the summer on Wednesday and I just ended up getting myself in a state as it all just felt too difficult. I have now contacted an agent that helped me arrive here during the difficult period in 2020 to help take the stress of looking away. The agent told me there are very few seats left on flight from Shanghai and any that might be possible are expensive and aren’t direct. The problem right now is that visa offices are closed due to lockdown so there is no certainty that visas can be renewed on time. There are many expats choosing to leave Shanghai now and booking one way tickets so they can book without needing to wait for visas. All that is left to do is wait and see but I am struggling to feel optimistic about this ending any time soon and being able to get home to see the family when I would like to.
It has been such a nice sunny day today! I was told yesterday that CDC would come to my door to test me with the 7 days after quarantine being up but they never came. Today I was finally allowed out to do the test! It was so nice to walk down my lane in the sunshine and to where my gym is for testing. I walked slowly to take in the sunshine and my surroundings. I even walked up and down my stairs instead of the lift for extra exercise. It just felt like that little taste of freedom… even just for a little bit.
Last night was quite tough. You might remember my friend that I spoke about earlier. She helped me with quarantine specific Chinese lessons and I mentioned her in my post on the 11th April where I spoke about her kindness towards others. Yesterday, her 90 year old grandma was taken away and also her dad. She knows where her dad is but has no idea where her grandma has been taken. My friend is so upset about the situation as her grandma brought her up so is like a mum to her. We were both crying on the video call. I just wanted to be with her to comfort her and be there for her. She feels helpless that she can’t be there to protect her grandma. Her grandma needs medication and great care due to her age and underlying health issues. Hotlines are constantly busy and it is difficult to get any information. She was told that she is at a camp but has no idea which one. She has no phone so there is no communication. Every time I hear of someone getting taken I feel it so much as I know exactly what they are going through.I just hope she can get out of that place soon and back home to her family where she belongs. This is so hard on families and people are worrying so much about their loved ones.
If anyone has any direct experience or knows anyone that knows how to locate elderly family members in quarantine camps then please get in touch to help my friend.
Saturday 23rd April 2022
Today we heard that there is another positive case on our floor. That means at least 2 more weeks of being locked in but even then it is all uncertain. Even if you can be free there is the risk of being taken for being either positive or a close contact. Our floor are not allowed to go out for testing right now so I am glad I at least had a little taste of freedom yesterday. Again, there was negative talk in the building group chat. About the recent case and also about my case at the start of lockdown. My neighbour squashed that pretty quick and put a really supportive and realistic comment in the chat. I am grateful to have non-judgemental and kind neighbours that have been nothing but supportive to me since I returned from quarantine.
The lady who organises water (and wine) deliveries was very kind to me today. I asked her if she knew how to source dishwashing liquid. She said that she had some spare at home and would send it to me that day. She wouldn’t take any money for it, only the delivery fee. This was very kind of her to do this. I received it just after midday. We also received a package from school. The school security guards are working extremely hard to support the school community and help with such deliveries. They are greatly appreciated.
My friend is still unable to locate her grandma. I have tried to reassure her with the stories about the kind people in the camps. I would guarantee that there are caring people that would ensure that she is being cared for and that will be her voice in there. One thing about this situation is that people really do come together and care for each other in those places where needed. I made contact with a nurse from the Fangcang hospital to see if they know how to locate elderly family members and even they couldn’t give me information on how to do this. I was given that old recommendation… ‘to just wait.’ Many people in the lockdown are currently relying on government supplies as they are out of work and not receiving incomes. Having enough food can be quite challenging for people in these situations. Communities have been great at trying to help each other with food supplies and share what they have to help others.
I had two hazmats come to my door this evening to test me. I think they were from the CDC as they took the sensors off my door. A bit late as I was tested yesterday but at least everything is official now and that is me off the radar for now. They also came to disinfect the building this weekend. When it happened it didn’t seem as harsh or loud as the last time.
Tonight in nearby Neighbourhoods there has been green fences being but up in front of buildings which is being called, ‘hard isolation.’ Residents are worrying about this being a fire hazard and feel like they are being kept in cages. This has happened to my friend whose grandma has been taken. She told me that she had to get a neighbour to help her get a food delivery with a rope because she couldn’t get it due to the fence. Communities are not happy about this and some fences have been ripped down.
Sunday 1st May 2022
This week was my first full week back at work. The week went pretty well and I am settling back into a routine. Towards the end of the week I felt the most mentally strong I have since all this begun. I think it was a case of building physical strength and settling back into a routine before being able to work on building mental strength. I was chatting to a friend who was quarantined during the same period as me and she also said that it has taken her until this weekend to start feeling fully post camp rested. Which highlights the impact the camps are having on people both mentally and physically. Having someone with shared experiences that understand certainly helps. I had an off day on Wednesday where I felt emotional and tired and I napped twice between teaching lessons. I just listened to my body, had an early night and saw Thursday as a new day. After that I felt more productive and in a good frame of mind.
I have been attending dance classes and doing workout videos that my friend from home sent me. It has also been a full month of completing the daily fitness challenge which we will continue throughout May as there seems no sign of being free just yet. I finally managed to figure out mirroring my laptop to my TV which I have failed at many times but I was determined not to let it defeat me and finally managed. Now that I have been feeling stronger, I have been able to reach out to a wider circle of friends again. I was finding group interactions a challenge but I am trying to reach out to more people again. As someone who is usually pretty sociable, I have just needed some time to ‘just be’ and keep my interactions to a smaller circle whilst healing. Some people I am especially very grateful for as I have relied on the support of others maybe more than I am used to doing.
Also losing the plot and put odd trainers on for one of my workouts!
We are still in lockdown right now. We were told on Thursday that we would be able to apply to unseal the building on Saturday the 30th April however there was then news of a case in the building on Friday and again today informed of a case last night. These residents have now been taken away. Again this has caused people to be unsettled in the building group chat as it means at least another 7 days from the last case. There has been some articles this past few days about there being zero society covid cases which I didn’t understand initially as we certainly have cases. Apparently this doesn’t include cases in sealed buildings so I guess if you are locked in then you are no longer part of society. So it basically means those who can leave their homes which isn’t many people as the streets are still deserted and shops are still closed. We have continued to do daily PCR tests in our building where we walk down our lane, out of the gate and to where my gym is.
Many people still feel very anxious about leaving to carry out the test, which is understandable if getting covid means being taken. People are fully covering themselves up from head to toe, spraying the streets in front of them with disinfectant and spraying themselves and their families before entering their homes. Some owners are even putting masks on their dogs! For me already having had covid, I actually quite like the little walk for the test each day, especially in the sunshine. In Pudong, some of my friends told me how they had to do a self-test to take with them in a sealed food bag to show in order to have a PCR test. You just can’t make these things up!
There was one afternoon and evening where I had a bit of a panic. There was a lot of welding and noise going on for many hours. From my window it very much looked like they were putting fences on the lane houses. I guess with this happening last week that was probably where my mind took me. It turned out that it was actually a cabin for the volunteers to use. There was a very bad night afternoon/evening of rain and strong wind where the tent blew down the lane so this could have been the reason for this.
Many people are talking about freedom and getting out and about which still makes me feel uneasy. Believe me more than anything I want freedom again and I will be glad to be able to at least get out for walks. People just need to be mindful that being taken to a quarantine camp is still very real. I already feel like some people talk to me less because this is something I can’t be anything but real about and I understand it can be difficult to hear the realities. At home I am doing all the things to keep a positive mind in my day to day life but sharing peoples excitement about freedom whilst people are still being taken I just ca’t do. Maybe if I hadn’t been taken then perhaps my outlook might be similar to many others but I was, so I can’t be anything but real about the situation. My friend still doesn’t know where her 90 year old grandma is after 11 days of trying to locate her. Her father has had one negative test but is waiting for another test for the second negative to be released. There was a very bad day of rain the other day and her dad told her that it was cold and leaking at the camp he was at. He also told her that there was a baby in the Fangcang hospital maybe around a month old. Each day is another day closer to them being back home where they belong. I hope my next post will be with good news about them being home.
Cases are now rising in Beijing and make shift hospitals being prepared there. If I can give those in Beijing any advice right now it would be to stock up on food and limit any interactions. Invest in anything that will help you if you are going to be stuck at home for a long period of time. Also consider preparing useful items for if you were quarantined. We went from living the good life in Shanghai to a situation that turned pretty traumatic for some in no time at all.
It is a long weekend this weekend in China and I have enjoyed the extra down time. The last holiday was spent in the quarantine camp so I didn’t really benefit from that time off but now I have been able to. I have spent the time watching back to back series on TV, making food including terrible looking dumplings, talking to people that make me smile, exercising when I feel like it and meditation. Many people are posting all the wonderful things that they are baking in lockdown so I thought I would join in and give it a go! I don’t know why I am pretending that I like baking things from scratch. It is a lot of effort for little enjoyment for me. I think I just forgot who I was for a few days and then realised this is not my life! So I will find other uses for my time. I gave it a go though! One of the highlights of my week had to be getting cheese for the first time in lockdown! I feel like my life is finally complete! I had a nice catch up with the family this evening. If this had been a week ago I probably wouldn’t have been strong enough for this type of call without getting upset but this week it was the right time and just what I needed. I was of course jealous about the roast dinner they were having but I am keeping hopefully that I will get to join them again one day soon for a good old family dinner.
The day I was taken to the Fancang hospital there was a parcel sat on my doorstep which I saw when I had the call to leave. As I left my apartment I pushed it into the kitchen with my foot. When I came back from the camp I opened it and it was a candle that I had ordered a while ago on Taobao and forgotten about. I have been lighting the candle every day since my release as a symbol of hope and strength. Also as a reminder of the things that shine bright in the middle of the hard times.
Sunday 8th May 2022
Despite no real change to the situation and still locked down in Shanghai, I have been feeling pretty positive day to day. I have my health and continue to be grateful for the small things. It has been the usual routine of daily morning tests, teaching, fitness routings and ordering/cooking food. I did start a Chinese course today but it is quite intense so I will see how I feel after a few classes. I still need to leave some time for down time which I am not always good at giving myself. I had a video call and drinks with friends on Friday night which was great to see people and socialise again.
I was hoping that by today I would have news about the friend’s dad and grandma returning from quarantine as it is day 18 now since they were taken. Despite her dad having 2 negative tests on Thursday, he is still in the Fangcang. There has still be no information about where the grandma was taken but her results are now showing on my friend’s dad’s app so they can at least see that she now has a negative test result. It is believed that the reason for still being there after more than 2 negative tests is due to the lack of transport available.
In Pudong, there was talk of a silent period where deliveries would stop for a few days and fences put up around neighbourhoods but the silent period didn’t happen initially for many but then did for some. There has been heavy disinfecting going on around the city. There has also been situations where compounds have had some freedom but friends have been singled out and not been allowed out with no real explanation. It is really hard to see an end to this with no sign of an exit strategy.
Today has felt like a positive day for lovely news in the middle of a crazy situation. One friend got his dog back, another friend made it back home to see his family after not seeing them since the start of covid and other friends have made it home. Also other news that just made me feel good inside today. I also managed to see my friend that I haven’t seen for 6 weeks whilst going for our daily test. It was quiet down my lane and at the test centre this morning.
Monday 9th May 2022
What a difference a day makes! I didn’t have the best day today which was totally out of the blue after feeling pretty good last week. My day started where we received a notice without warning that we were going into a 4 day ‘silent’ period where we can’t get food or water delivered to our doors. I had a few deliveries that I had to postpone until the weekend hopefully if this doesn’t extend more. I wont starve but I don’t have much fruit or veg in with being due an order. I honestly don’t know the purpose of this. Our building status has actually now turned from red to yellow which should mean a little freedom within the compound but with the ‘silence’ notice we have to stay inside. It has been 8 days now since our last positive test in our building which has been the longest period since the end of March. When I was out for my daily test this morning another expat stopped me and asked if I would like to join a group chat for foreigners who lived down our lane. It felt nice to connect with others close by in similar situations.
Then there was another situation which I had heard about this past few days but I wasn’t sure if it was rumours. It was where one person tests positive and then they take the whole floor or building. I’d hear this from a few sources like articles, in group chats and through Chinese friends. I’d emailed our HR and the Embassy to try and find out if this was true or rumours. Surely this can’t be true taking negative people isolating in their homes? How wrong was I?
In the afternoon, there were comments in the group chat that this was happening in our lane and they were taking 3 floors from a building that had a positive case. This included an expat that was threatened with quarantine despite not being close to the case and being negative. There was then a message in a building chat for those being taken to walk to the end of the lane at a certain time. I looked out of my window and watched the line of people being taken to the bus. This situation was actually happening and right on our lane! I contacted the Embassy and school to update them on the situation to maybe help others. Since then I have heard of others, including friends and friends of friends who have been told they will need to quarantine due to cases in their building. So far those that I know that have been taken as part of this new drastic strategy have gone to hotel accommodation and not to a Fangcang hospital. However, once places fill up you never know how the quality of where you could be taken can change. Those testing positive in this situation are also going to have that feeling of guilt that their building has also had to be moved because of their positive result. I felt the guilt because my building had to lock down a couple of days earlier than planned so I can’t imagine how this is making new positive cases feel. You could see many residents just looking out of their windows anxiously today as well has raised emotions in the groups chats. This situation today reversed how I was feeling and made me feel like a nervous wreck! I was fine teaching but struggled to focus on tasks out of lessons and was just feeling anxious about the possibility that I could still be taken even though I was negative and staying in my home. It is annoying because this situation has now made me feel like I’ve taken a step backwards after feeling so much stronger and safe. I am hoping tomorrow will feel like a new day and I will feel much better. Luckily I have people who make me feel better even after a day like today.
Thursday 12th May 2022
I really haven’t had a great week this week. I feel like I have taken a step back with how I was doing which is really frustrating. I have struggled with being productive this week with any tasks above teaching. It is frustrating because I have felt like every day I was feeling more and more ok as I at least felt safe in my home again until now. All the anxieties of being taken came flooding back and I had to work harder at feeling ok. The thought that I could still be taken even when negative makes me feel anxious. Our silent period also got extended until Sunday! So that has meant no deliveries including water can be delivered. This added to how I was feeling with not being able to get basic supplies. This also makes it more difficult to help others who may need more food in the community. We are also now testing from right outside out building rather than where my gym is. It feels like restrictions became tighter rather than improving despite out building going more days with no cases. It has felt more chaotic down the lane in the mornings. There are often people arguing with the Hazmats and the megaphone goes on for hours making it difficult to teach and think straight. The megaphone is still a bit of a trigger for me from being in the Fangcang.
Nai Nai and Ba Ba return from the Fangcang!
Some great news finally came from my friend who told me her 90 year old Nai Nai (Grandma) and Ba Ba (Dad) had finally returned home last night close to midnight. They spend a total of three weeks in the Fangcang ‘hospital’ and her dad had the 2 positives since last Thursday so spent another 6 days following the initial 2 negatives. My friend said that they were very tired and traumatised by the experience. Her Nai Nai is in fear of being taken. The difficult thing is that they have come home to the silent period. They have been given some basic food from some kind neighbours but they really need healthy food to build up their strength again. It is really important to eat well and sleep after being in those places so it is frustrating not being able to help them get what they need to get strong! I am glad they are at least back home where they can shower and start healing from the trauma.
I was chatting to my friend who was taken on Monday to a hotel because of positive cases in his lane. He was saying how 2 people who were taken to his hotel tested positive so had to go to the Fangcang. These people had been on the bus and in the hotel lobby so this could now mean more risk to others who could have been safer staying at home isolating.
It is reported on many media channels that things will start improving mid May. I can’t actually believe that in 3 days that all will be great again! Miracles do happen!
Sunday 15th May 2022
So here we are mid May and the day all will magically start to be great again! So the way to improve the situation here seems to be that if we say things are improving enough times then magic will happen and covid will be no more! I would rather just be real about what is happening right now and just focus on each day and finding the small pleasures. I try to stay away from a lot of the media and data that’s out there as much as I can because it is just filled with false hope. Right now there are statements about zero community cases which of course is being achieved as they are now just taking positive cases and those who live close by away much quicker so all positive cases are in quarantine! I will believe things have improved when I actually see it with my own eyes.
I have felt much better today and I have felt productive enough to get a good amount of school work done as I just haven’t managed the extra tasks this week. I have taken time to be kind to myself and rest and recharge. I have had a flicker in my left eye since Thursday. I am unsure if this is stress related or from too much screen time. I haven’t joined any group calls this weekend as I haven’t felt up to it but I have spoken to the family and a few friends. I was frustrated that I took a step back this week but now I am working on pushing forwards again. I have continued to keep up the exercise by doing the daily challenge, the school HIIT sessions, dance and my friend’s videos from home. Exercise has been the one thing that I have managed to maintain. Trying to keep a healthy mind and body during lockdown has certainly helped.
Our test continues to be taken outside our building. We now have to wear the white N95 masks rather than the blue masks this week and we also have to take our self-tests to show before doing our PCR tests. We are still testing most days but occasionally we are told not to go down for a test which I think is related to cases popping up down the lane in other buildings.
Taken Again! I have spoken to Room Auntie 3 today and she has been taken again because of a case in her building despite already being in the Fangcang. She was taken all the way to Yangzhou which is around 3 hours and out of Shanghai! So another way to achieve zero community covid… send people out of Shanghai! Her hotel and view looked nice at least and the food didn’t seem so bad. I do feel for her being taken again after already going through the experience in the covid prison!
Monday 16th May 2022
Today was the first day after the silent period! So now I had all the postponed orders coming at once! This included a delivery from school, 2 supermarket and water orders as well as government supplies. There was far too much for me so I shared with others in my building. The boy next door was very happy with the popcorn we received in our school delivery. It makes such a difference knowing that food supplies can happen again. The silence ending also meant that we could help my friend’s grandma and dad get the healthy foods and medication they needed to heal. With all the extra food also come all the batch cooking/juicing/freezing to try and not waste food. Sometimes you feel like you need a day off just for these tasks. Enjoyed a trashy afternoon after teaching and caught up on the Eurovision song contest. Watching it reminded me of hangout out with my uni mates back home.
It has been 2 weeks yesterday since our last positive case in our building. Our building status on the APP has finally turned to green! Although we are not seeing any benefits of going from red to yellow to green! All colours seem to mean ‘stay at home’ right now. If anything restrictions became tighter going through the colours!
Wednesday 18th May 2022
There has been yet another case in the lane and more people had to be taken again in the evening today.
There was a girl in our expat lane group who tried to do what she could to stay home but in the end the police were contacting her and saying she had to go. She has a cat so she wanted to stay with her cat as she was negative, has her own facilities so no reason for leaving her apartment to then mix with others on a bus! So in the end she had to give in and go. I offered to look after her cat so whilst she was in the quarantine hotel. So I went to meet her at the gate and took the cat. I felt sad having to take her from her owner. It is traumatic for anyone being taken whether human or animal! She was a little scared being in a new environment but I will do my best to settle her and take good care of her until she can go home.
Thursday 26th May 2022
I have looked after the cat for a week and today the owner was released from quarantine. It was quite nice having a distraction and something to focus on. It took her some time to feel settled around me but we became friends in the end. i made her some toys which she started to play with and she let me stroke her over the final few days. She would also come and chill next to be on the couch and on the bed. Today when it was time for her to return she was not happy about me getting her from under the bed and putting her into her cat bag. It was nice to return her to her owner though and back to her home where she belongs. It was actually weird not having the cat around the place when she first left.
Temporary lockdown buddy
Another week in lockdown
Sunday 29th May 2022
Day 62 – 2 hours freedom pass!
Today I was finally given a pass to go out of the compound for 2 hours! I was allowed out just from 4-6pm. My friend also managed to co-ordinate her pass time so we could go out at the same time. It felt so good to finally get out even if just for a little while. We just walked around, stopped at Dairy Queen as they were open for ice cream and then sat on a step for a drink before heading back for our curfew. I ended the evening by ordering my first takeaway pizza since before lockdown and a nice chilled movie night.
Collecting my pass
30th – 31st May 2022
Wednesday 1st June 2022
Day 65 – Freedom Day!
I am officially free! So today unless you are in an area of risk then you are allowed out and people are allowed to go back to work. It is so strange that the zero covid policy is still very much in place yet everyone can now go around as normal. I want more than anything to be free but if there is one case then buildings will still shut straight down again and the positive cases and their close contacts will still be taken. I still know some people that haven’t been released today. I will continue to be cautious and stick within my friendship group and limit the places I go to try not to jeopardise the possibility of going home.
This morning I needed to hand my passport in so I can try to renew my visa to try and get home this summer. It was very surreal having to use the metro this morning and do normal life. I ordered a jian bing breakfast on my way back and traffic on the roads had resumed.
Later in the day, I went and met friends who I haven’t seen this whole time. Some people have had it lucky and have been able to get out and about a little during lockdown but some of us have had much stricter neighbourhoods where we haven’t been able to get out at all. It felt great to see my friends and finally give hugs!
Saturday 1st April 2023
1 year on…
So it is a year since I was in the Fangcang. It feels pretty surreal thinking about that now and how different a year makes! I wanted to write one final post to share how the last year has been post-lockdown to where we are now. After coming out of the lockdown, it was still pretty strict, and we continued wearing masks and having to show green codes everywhere. Some places kept closing sporadically, and some places never opened again. Tests were mandatory within every 72 hours, and we had daily tests at school. Many people left Shanghai post-lockdown and never returned. Believe me, I was unsure if I would stick around much longer at that point if things didn’t improve.
During this time, it did have an impact on my mental health. I thought I was ok for a while but then I started having social anxiety and not feeling like socializing. I was having a lot of negative thoughts and there were still things that triggered me. I had decided to go home for the summer despite some difficulties with covid, limited and expensive flights, and I was worried about how I would deal with the quarantine on the way back. So I decided to be proactive and seek help as I wanted to feel like myself again. I am glad I did because later in the year, right before Christmas, things started looking uncertain again and many people really struggled at this time. Due to the counselling, I felt like it helped to take these uncertainties in my stride and think more rationally and calmly. Same with the quarantine upon my return, there were still moments, but having the counselling helped me handle these situations much better. As I have said before, I didn’t want this experience to define my time in Shanghai or negatively impact me.
Anyway… for some of the positives. I finally went home for the summer! In addition to the therapy, this was the best thing I could have done. I didn’t tell anyone I was coming home until I was through security at the airport. After everything, I couldn’t believe it was happening until it was happening. I called my mum and asked her to pick me up the next day. She was shocked and of course, in floods of tears at the news. I asked her to keep it quiet from the rest of the family as I wanted to keep it as a surprise. I also told two of my best friends when at the airport. My mum and one of my friends came to the airport. That hug from my mum was the best thing ever! For my mum too, after knowing what I’d been through. After enjoying a Greggs sausage roll on the way home, I continued my surprises. My niece sobbed when she saw me. It was so great to see and hug everyone again. I mostly enjoyed just doing every day normal things with the family. I was back at parkrun with my running friends and even managed a sub 30 race at Doncaster, which had been deferred from before I left for China. Not bad to say I haven’t been running in China. We also spent a week in Scotland, which was really lovely to visit there again and see more of the family and our old neighbour from growing up. I caught up with many friends and some friends from Oz & Holland came to stay for a few days too. A very special moment was taking my nephew to prom, which he asked me to do. I was also grateful to see him before he went off to army college. My niece was also starting at her new college and I loved going to watch her play squash. Super proud of them both! I travelled back via Hong kong which was great as their quarantine was reduced right before we got there, so we actually ended up having a bit of a holiday too! Even the 3-day quarantine hotel was luxurious with a harbour view and choice of food and deliveries allowed. Nanjing quarantine wasn’t the same luxury, and we had to stick it out for 10 days but the hotel was clean and spacious to exercise at least. It helped travelling back with a colleague too, so we could support each other throughout the journey. It was just such a great summer and what I needed to reset before returning to Shanghai.
When I returned, there were still the restrictions in place, as mentioned before and things escalated again right before Christmas with friends being taken to hotels and Fangcangs again. Then it was suddenly decided tests and codes weren’t needed and quarantine continued to be reduced before stopping entirely at the start of January! It was like a complete 360 overnight! This was the best feeling after being restricted for so long. Being free again felt awesome and so many people went home and saw their families for the first time in years! I started the year travelling in Thailand and it was the best way to start a new year. Right before the New Year, I stayed at the Sanctuary for a few days, which felt like time to stop and take in what had happened that year and let it go. Then a friend and I went back after the new year for a few more days and it felt like this was a time to set good intentions for the year ahead. I never usually do all the ‘new year, new me’ thing but this year felt different and like a positive fresh start after a challenging year. Thailand was an excellent place for this as there were opportunities to be by the beach, in nature, party with friends and participate in activities that positively impacted my wellbeing.
I still keep in contact with some people from the Fancang. I have occasional messages with my room aunties. Dancing Man messages me often to check in and video called me just today. Sometimes Tik Tok man too. Su and I went to Shanghai Zoo together in October to make some positive memories together in Shanghai following our experience and replace the negative ones. I do feel blessed to have met these people despite the circumstances.
Shanghai is a great place to be again now, and it feels pretty much back to normal life. We’ve been able to take weekend trips, visit some cool places, and make wonderful memories! I am currently writing this on the sleeper train to Tibet! It is such a contrast to the previous year, and I am loving every minute of it. I started a fitness challenge on April 1st in the Fangang last year and both myself and my lockdown fitness partner, who took on the challenge with me have continued this journey to this day! We have motivated each other, and I even managed to win the F45 5 week challenge last week, which I would never have thought possible a year ago! I even cook most days, which I never did in Shanghai pre-lockdown, so there has been some positives. Following this challenge, we have decided to make it an annual thing and set new challenges each year at this time. So our next challenge will be a musical challenge and to perform the drums live somewhere by this time next year. I love that we have continued to encourage and motivate each other in this way!
Anyway, I am going to sign off from this blog now and embark on my journey through Tibet and to Mt Everest! 2023 feels like such a great year!
Thank you to everyone who read and supported my journey through the bad and the good. I appreciate you all! Be grateful, be kind to others and yourself, make memories and live life to the fullest!
Tips if you test positive and get the call…
Breathe…
Resist as much as you can to try to convince the neighborhood committee to let you stay at home. The more days you are home, the more days you are closer to becoming negative again. Some friends have been lucky with this but some are still being taken or are waiting to be taken to various places. A lot of this can depend if your community are also fighting to send you away with their fear of the virus. That big X on the door kinda draws a lot of attention to your situation! Update: This was initially written at the start of the situation so now that the camps are fully up and running and there are more people drafted in then it is likely that you will be taken for testing positive or as a close contact.
Inform your place of work and have support from a Chinese speaking friend/college to try and fight your case with your Neighbourhood Committee and Centers for Disease Control.(CDC).
If home isn’t an option try to fight to be in a hotel or a better standard of facilities. If you have been told that you are going to a hotel then try to be firm to find out specific details so you know that you are not being given false information about the destination.
If they say that they want to take you to a quarantine site camp then call your Embassy straight away and explain the situations and what is happening. Don’t go through the email channel as it is slow and useless so it is better for them to hear your voice and concern in person. Feel free to share my blog link with your Embassy or workplace so they can see what the conditions are like.
Pack a suitcase as soon as possible as your mind might be all over the place so it is better to start early as you often think of more things that might be useful for you.
Take a shower! Who knows when your next could be!
I packed up all my special things in my apartment with fear that they might come in to disinfect my home (don’t know if this is a thing) it was just my worry. Update: This was not necessary for me. Further Update in May: Apparently this is now happening! Belongings may also be taken from you to be disinfected and stored for a period of time before being allowed back to your apartment after quarantine.
Make sure your phone has plenty of data just in case you have any Wifi issues.
None of this will guarantee that you won’t be taken but try to do all that you can prior to being taken anywhere to try and get the best possible outcome. I wouldn’t wish this place/experience on anyone!
Reach out to anyone that can support you and know that you are not alone in this. Feel free to contact me for any advice and support.
Contact Numbers
Public Service Hotline – 12345
Shanghai Centers for Disease Control.(CDC) – 62758710
UK Consulate • Emergency Help Number: 021 3279 2000
Useful Items/Tips for Quarantine Camps!
Passport
Emergency contact numbers e.g. Native speaker to help with translation, Embassy, Employer, Support lines, Neighbourhood Committee, CDC
Large Suitcase – Take everything that you need to be as comfortable as possible.
Eye mask – Lights never go out!
Ear plugs
Extension cable
Devices/Charges
Headphones
Hot water bottle
Yoga mat (floors are gross), skipping rope, bands, any small fitness items.
Wet wipes & Anti bacterial wipes
Hand Sanitizer
Dust/pollution masks
Medication
Bottled water
Fruit
Tea/coffee
Instant noodle/pasta
Snacks
Cutlery if you need it .
Warm clothes
Plenty of underwear if you don’t want to do laundry in the dirty sinks.
Dry shampoo
Dark clothes as it is dusty & unclean
Coat/umbrella/wellies if you have to go outside to for the toilet and the weather is bad. Some sites have also been known to leak so something water proof/large bin bags might be useful.
Blanket
Towels
Large bowl that you can wash items/yourself rather than washing in the dirty sinks.
Laundry detergent & washing up liquid.
Folding peg hangers to clip on your bed to dry underwear.
Large & small pegs, washing line/string and some kind of sheet to partition your area if you want privacy to change.
Women – If you are on the pill and have extra then take it to prevent you having your period in these places due to lack of hygiene.
For using the squatters – disposable shoe covers could be useful , if your trousers aren’t tight at the bottom like wearing PJs then tuck them in your socks or put hair bands around the bottom.
Dream TV so it works on your laptop!
Anything that will give you a distraction and make you feel comfortable or a reminder of home. ❤️❤️
Where to seek support
Community Center Shanghai (CCS). They are offering one free session to anyone in quarantine or a lockdown. https://www.communitycentershanghai.com/
Lifeline Always free. Trained volunteers are available via phone or chat from 10 am to 10 pm every day. 400-821-1215 www.lifelinechina.org
Mindfront Private mental health service provider https://mind-front.cn/en/home
webcazcouk 
Hey! You are the strongest person I’ve ever met. My prayers and all my energy to you. Big hugs. Waiting to see you I’ll pay for the next tequila shots.
Lot of love. xx
Sau.
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absolutely insane… we’re all afraid of being sent to places like this. thank you for sharing your experiences. stay strong and i hope you get out soon!!
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Absolutely fucking horrifying conditions they are making people live in. Stay strong until the world is rid of the evil that forces innocent people into these inhumane situations.
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I’m so sorry you have to recover in such terrible conditions! You write of your experience with grace and resilience, and those of us bunkered down in lockdown are so glad to have your insight about what to prepare for and expect should this happen to us. If I end up in a covid prison, I hope I meet people like you there. Wishing you all the best for a speedy recovery and release.
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My dear friend, be strong do not focus on the problem, keeping spread the word every body need to know about this brutality.
Everything is going to be fine .
Xoxo
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You are quite extraordinary. Thank you for sharing this with us. May the forces of good look over you and protect you. I hope you will be out of this madness as soon as possible.
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Terrible policy! I am sorry for your situation and thank you for sharing all of your Covid prison experience. If it’s possible, please keep updating the blog. Hope you leave such fucking prison soon……
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Thank you for sharing these stories, photos, and insights. You’re a great documentarian and deserve huge kudos! We are here with you to get through this. Wish I could help in some way – will share your story widely!
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Hey there, this is gonna help a helluva lot of people.
It should also keep some ppl who are NOT in this situation from complaining so much and being grateful for what they currently have.
So many of us are so privileged and have never had to deal with anything remotely like this before, yet sadly, for much of the world, this is their reality.
I think this is all gonna get a lot worse before it gets better.
We are following your journey, you are not alone.
Cheers, hang in there. One hour at a time
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I can’t even find the right words to say to you. I just hope you’re out of there as soon as possible! Thank you so much for documenting everything you’re going through. It’s so important to know what’s really happening. Try your best to stay focused, and if we run into each other when this is all over, coffee on me~ I’ll be checking for new posts. Stay safe!
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I am living in shanghai right now and I want to say thank you for writing this account of your experience. Your blog has helped me feel more mentally prepared for if i also test positive any I believe many other people will feel the same. I just hope you will be able to get home soon. Keep strong, and things will get better.
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I’m wishing you the best beautiful stranger! I’m an ex Shanghai expat who absolutely loves the city. The collective pain of the city, your pain, and the pain of many others is truly breaking my heart. I send you all the energy, love, health, and healing vibes possible. You got this! it will pass
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I lived in Shanghai for 10 years and this is unimaginable. You have written your blog so beautifully, with cultural sensitivity and an understanding that it is an insane system causing this. I really hope you can go home soon and your support people help you get decent food and the best soap in the world for your return. Thank you so much for sharing.
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Caroline I hope to hear good news of you going home soon. Sending positive thoughts and vibes your way.
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Stay safe!!! Hope you will be better, and could go back to sweet home asap.. stay optimistic! Anytime I’m here:) hug hug!
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Italian TV carried two interviews with an Italian national in Shanghai lockdown and he did say in the second one that he was indeed transferred. The background of the first interview looked very similar.
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Thanks for sharing your experience, it’s tough to read though. I’m really sorry for what all of you are going through. Especially having no idea when you’ll get to leave even after 2 or more negative tests.
I’m really glad you are doing your beat to stay strong and try to make the best of a very tough situation. I’m a bit speechless really, but sadly not shocked either.
I really hope you get to go home soon and hope Shanghai gets out of lockdown soon. You guys are all going to need friends around for some support and celebration on surviving all of this.
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Praying for you dally to get home and things you need there .We have a Daughter teaching in Shanghai at Shanghai Medical Institute no positive test there but like everyone else locked down .Stay strong and keep the faith you’re in my prayers
Dave
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Dear friend, we’ve never met but please know I am thinking of you and sending so much positive energy into the universe that you get out of this awful situation as quickly as possible. Keep on writing – your story matters.
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I love your writing, I keep up with your blog every other day. I’m so invested and so curious for you, for your aunties, for Tik tok man, dancing man, your English speaking friends etc. you’ve really managed to connect us to your life. Shanghai means a lot to me, having had grown up there and lived there through half my adult life, so I hurt with all of you knowing a beautiful city and it’s people are in so much pain. Thank you for your words and for bringing us in your journey. I wish you all the best, I think of you and everyone often, hoping nothing but the best. You’ll get out of there soon! But until then, know that your kindness is lighting up the room for all those around you at that camp. 加油 ❤️
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I also been quarantine for 11 days. Seems you had worse than me. I know the feels by being in this place and can relate to everything you say. This place breaks you down. I felt like crying when got home, it was so emotionally to be there. I am happy you are back and speedy recovery from the mental break down. Jiayou!
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Hi Johan, I am so sorry to hear that you shared a similar experience. I am glad that you are also home and I hope that you are recovering well. Take care of yourself. Jiayou back at ya!
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I am SO glad you are back home! I’ve been reading you every day since a friend who lives in Shanghai sent me the link to your blog and I must say I was a little worried not finding any updates in the last couple of days! I am so happy you are back home. Thank you for writing this blog. I think it’s useful not only for people who are in a similar situation. I particularly enjoyed the parts where you talk about others’ kindness. I send you a big virtual hug from Italy!
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